I went to Toms tonight to get away for this house. To get away in general. I don't have many places anymore where I can do that.
I ended up watching a badass movie. And then before Tom went to bed he gave me this book called "watchmen" which is a movie coming out soon.
Instead of putting it down, and going to bed. I started reading it, and 6 hours later I finished it. Drove home... contemplating not going home but instead randomly driving, but decided against it.
Now I am sitting at this computer. With nothing but thoughts. And I wonder where my life goes. Do I become slowly increasingly hateful of everyone in general? Do I bother opening myself up to people anymore? Should I expect that I can be in a relationship that has potential without somehow ruining it? Will I be 30 and just a insignificant fuck with no future?
I wonder so much, and where as at one point in time the questions I wondered were positive they just increasingly turn negative.
Ive been able to stay optimistic about things even when they just kept getting worse, and worse, but I feel I have actually hit a point where I can no longer stay so optimistic.
If you have ever seen the movie "wanted"... I sort of feel like my life will be like that guys life... except just the beginning part, and not a fancy job.
Its kind of like the "talent" I do have with music is pointless to have.
Idk. There are all random thoughts here really. Ive been slowly just crumbling in various ways within for awhile now, and I believe it is finally crumbling over into the open. Unfortunately I do not know where this leads or what will happen. I just know I am starting to not feel at all...anymore...about anything.
I ended up watching a badass movie. And then before Tom went to bed he gave me this book called "watchmen" which is a movie coming out soon.
Instead of putting it down, and going to bed. I started reading it, and 6 hours later I finished it. Drove home... contemplating not going home but instead randomly driving, but decided against it.
Now I am sitting at this computer. With nothing but thoughts. And I wonder where my life goes. Do I become slowly increasingly hateful of everyone in general? Do I bother opening myself up to people anymore? Should I expect that I can be in a relationship that has potential without somehow ruining it? Will I be 30 and just a insignificant fuck with no future?
I wonder so much, and where as at one point in time the questions I wondered were positive they just increasingly turn negative.
Ive been able to stay optimistic about things even when they just kept getting worse, and worse, but I feel I have actually hit a point where I can no longer stay so optimistic.
If you have ever seen the movie "wanted"... I sort of feel like my life will be like that guys life... except just the beginning part, and not a fancy job.
Its kind of like the "talent" I do have with music is pointless to have.
Idk. There are all random thoughts here really. Ive been slowly just crumbling in various ways within for awhile now, and I believe it is finally crumbling over into the open. Unfortunately I do not know where this leads or what will happen. I just know I am starting to not feel at all...anymore...about anything.
Life has a way of always building you up just to chop you back down again. Its a test I think to see who the defiant ones are and who will lay there and take it up the ass with no lube. Its at that point that you clench your but cheeks really hard, turn to the side, and rip Lifes dick off and hand it back. Everything that happens is something you can learn from and should take something from but dont be bitter and always try your hardest to forgive everyone.
Anyways, who am I to give advice. I can only tell you from everything that Ive fucked up over the years and what Ive learned from it I guess.
Other than that........FOOBAWL!!!! Wake up and call me, have you seen it outside! Its awesome! But I dont know if you want to drive out here in this shit, its pretty bad.