Hard to believe I came to florida almost a year ago ! Nothing is how I had planned for it to be, which is actually beautiful. I came to westpalm to try and establish a relationship with my estranged biological father who i had never met before; things did not work out and mid semester he left me here while he was on a run god knows where doing who knows what with a few prostitutes younger than me ( literally) . I did not want to admit defeat, I did everything in my power to try and create my own life here, even was homeless for a few days at 22 yrs old. It built character, and it made me feel alive. I remember not being able to eat some days, losing weight and feeling the pain of trying to stuff a fast food cheeseburger down a shrunken stomach. Thats when i began to see less and less wrong with stripping, i was hungry homeless and broken ( i fit right in ) or so I thought. Its been 9 months now and i still feel so stuck, like I'll be the 34 yr old i pray never to be in that sparkly evening gown climbing the pole every afternoon for the rest of her life . It gives me nightmares. And the negativity is starting to weigh heavy on me , this was not supposed to be my life.I feel very defeated as of late. Trying to start my own business has been extremely difficult and discouraging; there are still days i go hungry , and nights i sit up wondering how i'l make certain payments..i wonder when that ends, often. One thing ive found comfort in is that inconsistency is the only consistency ! Im happy and healthy for the most part, i get the chance to keep surprising myself with my own strength, integrity, and perception which is something I couldnt honestly say before going through all of these things. I want to thank suicidegirls for making me comfortable enough to share this on a public forum. I owe so much to sg and i cant wait to keep growing ! In three years i see myself as an official SG , with her own pin up lingerie line for petite and plus sized women , and strip clubs will just be a thing of my past! ( lets hope)
