I'm contemplating giving up drawing for good. I just don't have the inspiration anymore. To be honest I don't believe that I have the talent that I thought I once had. My skills haven't really improved in the last 10 years. This actually hurts me. I'm actually getting fucking emotional about it as I'm typing this.

I want to get back to playing bass. I've played once in the last 5 months. I officially have more instruments than talent. Other than my Rickenbacker 4003, which is my baby, I have acquired a Korg Triton Studio 61 keyboard that needs some work, a Gibson/Baldwin Spirit electric guitar, and an Ibanez 12 string acoustic which is strung wrong and I have yet to replace the strings.

Today sucked. I went to Gordo's with my sister's boyfriend. He's basically my brother-in-law...he's the father of her children. Anyways, the pretty redhead that I've had a crush on for a few months was working today. Long story short, she basically was flirting with him like I wasn't even there. It definitely did a number on my self confidence. I'm not her type I guess. I know I'm not the best looking guy, I'm not covered in Tattoos(I only have the one across my wrists) only because I can't really afford to buy any, but I have potential, people just need to look past what I look like on the outside and see the kindhearted guy I am. I know I'm not perfect..no one is.. and I'm just sick of being in every girls friend zone. The type I like just doesn't like me it seems. Maybe it's just time to start being an asshole..this nice guy is tired of waiting.

I don't know what's wrong with me lately..I should be getting over being depressed. It's spring now..cold, but getting a little warmer. Maybe I'm just in a shitty mood..sorry for complaining. Venting here is cheaper than a therapist.