swen

I know that I can survive this, but Im not sure if I want to. I think its bullshit to die for some specific dream (e.g. a specific person) but thats not the point. Its all about dying because of lack of faith in a dream.

Besides, Im a very dependant person. I cant live on my own, without some basic support form others. What I get from friends (whether I meet them in person or on the net doesnt make a difference) is nice and helpful to some extend. That helps me to like myself. But as long as theres no one who is capable of loving me, I cannot either.

I know that they say that you can only be loved if you love yourself. So thats a circulus vitiosus. I cant break out of it. If that line holds true, Im fucked up (sorry for the rudeness).

I love tragedies. I hate happy-endings.

Thank you for your support, sakita/lizbeth/ellie

swen
-smile in the face of death-

PS: I'm not suicidal, yet. Don't worry. Big decisions always take time. I'll give it at least a few more years...