swen

So, sleeping problems again. I met with my "current crush" yesterday after not seeing her all weekend. She told me about how her date on Saturday. To make a long story short: she didnt have any luck with the boy she was hitting on but found another and made out with him. Shes again head over heals in love with a testosterone-driven muscle-monster. I really wished she would eventually have luck with some guy, but this way shell surely be disappointed again. She doesnt deserve this.
But back to me. I obviously have some issues with intimacy. http://suicidegirls.com/groups/Virgins/
So its pretty hard for me to listen to her talking about making out with this or that guy just so casually. That really hurts me bad. So tonight there was no sleep for me. Im tumbling through the day like a dysfunctional robot.
Sadly I cant do anything about it. I need her as she really cares about me, shes very nice to me when were together and understands me and my issues better than anyone Ive ever met before. But she sure as hell doesnt know shes hurting me by talking about her love-life. She knows that I dont have anything like that, but doesnt see my love for her. I can hide that pretty well; Im just nice to her but nothing more. I know that I dont have the slightest chance with her, so whats the point in making it all complicated for her, too? So Ill carry on keeping those feelings a secret.
I really must find a way to deal with them myself. I have to be strong. I can be strong.