susannahjoy

love actually really is a good movie. but i can't watch it all the way through. seeing all those happily in love people just hurts too much. i keep hearing russell whispering "i love you so much," except of course, that he isn't, because he doesn't. not anymore. he loves someone else. i hate being alone. hate it more than anything. i miss him. of course, i cant tell him that. better to stick to safe subjects. weather and all that. things that dont matter. ah fuck, now i'm crying. i'm just gonna go to bed. i'll feel better in the morning. night all.