superflea

I keep meaning to update this page, but I'm always so fucking tired when I get back from the Hospital and I can barely stand to relive the day's events when I get here.

She still hasn't woken up and it's still very scary but she is on the mend and she is a fighter and the nurses have used the phrase "she's turned the corner" and even though there are some anomalies the specialists aren't worried and they have to do a few scary things to her but it's better in the long run and may be easier on her and I'm scared all the time and I miss her so much.

But I sit by her and I hold her hand and sometimes I feel better and sometimes I feel worse. What I hate the most is that between the bed rails and the equipment, I can't even lean in far enough to give her a kiss on her forehead. I tried a couple of times.

I've been praying very hard all week. Did I already mention I'm agnostic? Still, the results were encouraging. After tonight's episode when I basically collapsed in my car after getting to the hospital parking lot at the end of the night, I guess I'll see what kind of mileage I get out of abject hysterical pleading.

To borrow a phrase from the Harry Potter books...

I miss her so much right now that it feels as though I'll never be happy again.

Don't get me wrong - the news this week has almost all been good, and there is so much reason for hope and optimism.

But I'm so scared and could barely stop crying long enough to make the drive home.

If there's anybody you love and you haven't told them in a while, please do so. Because something like this can come out of nowhere and your entire universe can get blasted completely away in an instant.

The only thing keeping me kind of sane right now comes from the quote I mentioned a few entries back:

The worst of times, like the best, are always passing away.

I'm going to go to bed now. I think I might be babbling.