superflea

Citizens of Toronto! I have returned to your city to rule you all with an iron fist! I demand to be appeased with offerings from Sushi Time (preferably the one on Bloor), and that pizza place down on Queen West that I like so much. Amado's? Amato's?

I'm currently enjoying the hospitality (and lingering 'fresh paint' smell that for some strange reason isn't entirely unpleasant) in the guest room of the home of two of my most favourite people in the world. I still haven't had much luck finding a place, because it seems that if the rent gets a little lower (and I gotta scrounge a bit so I can keep my car and still have some money to go out drinkin' an' cussin' at the end of the month) in a given part of town, the car insurance rates are happy to skyrocket to pick up the slack. Sigh.

I started my new job on Monday. I'm not entirely certain they were ready for me. I gather this is a very busy time of year for them, and so I'm still waiting to be shown the ropes in many respects. I wish I could do more, because this is the time I want very much to make a strong, favourable impression, but I understand that people are busy, and working some time to train me into their schedules is probably more easily said than done. The people there seem exceptionally nice, though, so I'm looking forward to really getting a sense of the place.

I'm loving my new Mac, although I don't think any of the things I'm really digging about it are in any way mac-specific. After years of being tethered to massive desktop machines that roared like angry gods as they crunched numbers beneath their boots, I just think it's really cool to hold my computer in my lap while I chill on the couch with no cables tying me to anything. It's neat.

In one week, I will be 31 years old. My life of late has been full of a lot of difficult changes, and at the risk of sounding dramatic, I think that this past year may have been my very worst. I am hoping that it will prove to be a period of growth and positive change - a catalyst for really getting my life in order and moving onto "the next level", whatever that turns out to be.

I sure wish my dad could be around to wish me a happy birthday. Some losses of the past year I will get over. I think losing my dad is going to hurt forever. The really weird thing is that most of the time I'm fine. I moved out of my parents' house the better part of a decade ago, and I'm used to not seeing my dad every day. It must be a "you're tougher than you think you are" kind of thing, but most of the time it's actually not too tough to deal with it. You cope. You go on with the rest of your life. Sometimes it slips your mind entirely. The catch is that it can creep up on you with no warning, at the slightest trigger, and it washes over you as fresh as that first awful moment. Once or twice every day, I'll see some random thing that will associate to my dad in my mind, and instantly, I feel as awful as I ever have, like something has been ripped out of me, and that wound is still very fresh. You choke it back and fight it off and try to bring yourself back into the moment, but it's always right there, just lurking in the wings waiting to spring out. I hope this part passes.

Anyways, I should be off. Gotta be up for work in the morning, and the 401 is an unforgiving mistress. People of Toronto! You will not drive like jackasses in the Collector lanes near my exit or you will feel my terrible wrath!