last night i went to a show by myself... there were a million bands (really like 10) on 3 stages and they were very diverse, musically... there was some rock-ish stuff, a little hardcore, some punky kinda stuff... it was a good time, but it would have been better if i had someone to go with... i just needed to get out, and there was...
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it's weird to feel so loved by people i've never met in real life (and quite possibly never will) but have everyone in my real life feel so distant...
even my family has been weird lately...
again, i'm going through cycles... one second i'll miss her, the next i'll be pissed, the next i'll just want to call and be her friend, the next i...
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even my family has been weird lately...
again, i'm going through cycles... one second i'll miss her, the next i'll be pissed, the next i'll just want to call and be her friend, the next i...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
rxqueen:
*sends you mental e-love*
hey lovely.
i hope all is well!
congrats with that interview.
and GOOD LUCK!
yeah that girl, sheneeds an attitude adjustment and maybe a swift kick to her arse!
hurry and move to ny!
you can be my show buddy.
hey lovely.
i hope all is well!
congrats with that interview.
and GOOD LUCK!
yeah that girl, sheneeds an attitude adjustment and maybe a swift kick to her arse!
hurry and move to ny!
you can be my show buddy.
audio:
sorry it hasnt worked out the way you wanted it to. maybe next time youll get a rush of courage to talk to someone. but like i said, it really helps if youre doing something you dont normally do. i think you probably go see shows quite a bit. you need to do something that youve never done, or at least not done with her. anyways, again ill shut up.
i hope the rest of your weekend rocks! youre awesome, and you need some good, kind, happy people in your life!
i hope the rest of your weekend rocks! youre awesome, and you need some good, kind, happy people in your life!
i'm thinking about moving to nyc... i've thought about it about a year ago... but decided against it because she was up here... and i wanted to be with her... but the job market is so much better down there... and i have a good friend who does computer stuff down there who might be able to point me in the right direction, and possibly...
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runholden:
I don't know what made me think of that song...I guess I can just relate...I go through the same "swings" but now they are not quite as intense...I would go through the cycle in a minute...angry, sad as shite, happy, etc...pretty manic, no? But now, I will suddenly find myself really down and when I take a second I realize that it is because of her. I guess I have gotten over the whole "world-crashing-down-around-me" stage and now I am just lonely without her. I miss having someone with whom I shared secrects...some who knew me better than anyone else on earth...someone who was the most important thing in my life...I am still trying to deal with that void...
xxanastasiaxx:
Go to NYC!!! 
I lived in the village most of the summer, on Bleeker. Much fun! Very expensive though.
Good luck & HI btw.
[Edited on Sep 26, 2003]
I lived in the village most of the summer, on Bleeker. Much fun! Very expensive though.
Good luck & HI btw.
[Edited on Sep 26, 2003]
today wasn't that bad, either...
work went smoothly. i went home for lunch and had a good conversation with my brother about her and girls in general... and he seemed to reinforce everything my friend and i talked about yesterday...
the past couple days i've been realizing that i haven't been happy with the situation i've been in, maybe i was just distracted enough to...
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work went smoothly. i went home for lunch and had a good conversation with my brother about her and girls in general... and he seemed to reinforce everything my friend and i talked about yesterday...
the past couple days i've been realizing that i haven't been happy with the situation i've been in, maybe i was just distracted enough to...
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
audio:
hey, at least you had a bottle of jack. heheehhe.
im waiting until after my interview tomorrow at the design school before i REALLY start looking for a job.
it sounds like we both need to get out more. *sigh*
next week end. thats it. im gonna go out, drink some cosmopolitains and be silly. i need a bit of that. besides, i need to celebrate changing directions in my life.
im waiting until after my interview tomorrow at the design school before i REALLY start looking for a job.
it sounds like we both need to get out more. *sigh*
next week end. thats it. im gonna go out, drink some cosmopolitains and be silly. i need a bit of that. besides, i need to celebrate changing directions in my life.
jora:
When the love of my life and I broke up (8 years ago), I was a complete mess. I knew that we weren't meant to be, that I'd be better off without him, etc. The worst part of it was that we were together so long that he wasn't just a boyfriend, he was my best friend that I shared everything with. I was not only losing a boyfriend (who I thought I was going to settle down with), but also my best friend.
What I did after he moved out was write letters to him that I knew that I'd never send. I wanted to call him so many times that it was physically painful. I thought I was really going to die of a broken heart. After about two weeks of spilling my uncensored feelings into these letters. I noticed that I started writing less and less and it was becoming annoying to take time out to focus my energy on thinking of him.
It was kind of like that cartoon (Porky Pig?) when the nephew wants to smoke so Porky makes him smoke a ton of cigarettes thus making him so sick that he didn't want to smoke anymore.
It's so difficult to move on when a person has been so woven into your daily life, but I am living proof that it can be done. He still crosses my mind once in a while, but it doesn't cause the longing or pain that it used to. I just think about what I learned about myself in that relationship and that I now know what I DON'T want for future relationships. It's become a positive thing for me now.
Stay strong. I will send you good thoughts and emtional hugs. I'm here if you ever want/need to vent. I mean that.
What I did after he moved out was write letters to him that I knew that I'd never send. I wanted to call him so many times that it was physically painful. I thought I was really going to die of a broken heart. After about two weeks of spilling my uncensored feelings into these letters. I noticed that I started writing less and less and it was becoming annoying to take time out to focus my energy on thinking of him.
It was kind of like that cartoon (Porky Pig?) when the nephew wants to smoke so Porky makes him smoke a ton of cigarettes thus making him so sick that he didn't want to smoke anymore.
It's so difficult to move on when a person has been so woven into your daily life, but I am living proof that it can be done. He still crosses my mind once in a while, but it doesn't cause the longing or pain that it used to. I just think about what I learned about myself in that relationship and that I now know what I DON'T want for future relationships. It's become a positive thing for me now.
Stay strong. I will send you good thoughts and emtional hugs. I'm here if you ever want/need to vent. I mean that.
today wasn't that bad, either...
work went smoothly. i went home for lunch and had a good conversation with my brother about [i[her and girls in general... and again, he seemed to reinforce everything my friend and i talked about yesterday...
the past couple days i've been realizing that i haven't been happy with the situation i've been in, maybe i was just distracted enough...
Read More
work went smoothly. i went home for lunch and had a good conversation with my brother about [i[her and girls in general... and again, he seemed to reinforce everything my friend and i talked about yesterday...
the past couple days i've been realizing that i haven't been happy with the situation i've been in, maybe i was just distracted enough...
Read More
today was a pretty good day...
i had a good conversation with a mutual friend of ours... and he told me that basically he thought that we (me and her) would be happier apart. he said that he's always felt that we weren't compatible... and the way he said it, it felt like he was on my side, while still being compassionate toward her...
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i had a good conversation with a mutual friend of ours... and he told me that basically he thought that we (me and her) would be happier apart. he said that he's always felt that we weren't compatible... and the way he said it, it felt like he was on my side, while still being compassionate toward her...
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csilla:
i'm glad you are feeling a bit better
talking to friends always seems to help
talking to friends always seems to help
audio:
ok, heres even more non advice. (it works better if you live in a somewhat large city.) go out alone, by yourself to a bar/ club/ show...whatever, and talk to a complete stranger (not in a sleazy way.) its nerve wracking as hell, but youll get your adrenaline pumping. it helps make you realize that sometimes we force ourselves to live in such a small world when there are so many interesting people out there.
anyways. im gonna shut up now.
anyways. im gonna shut up now.
it's funny how everytime i think that i'm done feeling bad, that tomorrow will be a better day... something has to kick me in the nuts.
i had a pretty good morning and then i spent the evening with my family, thinking that some time with my parents and sister would do me some good...
wrong.
everything was going ok, my dad's a bit oblivious...
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i had a pretty good morning and then i spent the evening with my family, thinking that some time with my parents and sister would do me some good...
wrong.
everything was going ok, my dad's a bit oblivious...
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audio:
feeling better today??
*this is me job hunting....im doing well, huh?*
*this is me job hunting....im doing well, huh?*
audio:
i just realised one of your favorite films is office space. awesome. i think ive watched it at least ten times and each time gets better and better.
with great lines like mother shitter and ass clown, how could a movie go wrong??
hehee
with great lines like mother shitter and ass clown, how could a movie go wrong??
hehee
i wrote this long, totally inspired journal after talking to my sister, and it never showed up... and now, i can't rewrite what i wrote...
don't you hate that?
anyway, the general idea was that once you've hit rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but back up. that's where i'm at right now... no expectations, no pressure, just life... i love her still, but maybe...
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don't you hate that?
anyway, the general idea was that once you've hit rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but back up. that's where i'm at right now... no expectations, no pressure, just life... i love her still, but maybe...
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drunkpunk:
That has happened to me so many times, it sucks. What really pisses me off aswell about writing a long journal entry that goes missing, is when you've spent a lot of extra time fucking about putting links in to pics or different url's etc 
. Thats why i now get into the habbit of right clicking, highlighting all the text, and copying to clipboard before i hit that damn submit button! I still sometimes frget though if i'm dead excited and really keen to update my journal with something 
Anyway, good luck and all the best mate. Life's a bitch sometimes but you gotta be strong.
. Thats why i now get into the habbit of right clicking, highlighting all the text, and copying to clipboard before i hit that damn submit button! I still sometimes frget though if i'm dead excited and really keen to update my journal with something
Anyway, good luck and all the best mate. Life's a bitch sometimes but you gotta be strong.
audio:
i just came by to see if you were doing any better than the other day.
the last thing i want to give is advice because its useless, instead ill give my experience.
those moments when you are at rock bottom are the best. they are the truest forms of who we are. we have nothing to lose and therefore no fear in losing anything.
love wouldnt mean so much if it didnt tear your heart out every once in a while, yet the wonderful thing about it is its amazing regenerating power. oh christ, i better stop, im starting to sound like oprah.
hey, if you ever need to be cheered up you can always come to me
p.s. heres a great pick up line to cheer you up :
-are you jamaican??
cause jamaican me crazy!! hehee
the last thing i want to give is advice because its useless, instead ill give my experience.
those moments when you are at rock bottom are the best. they are the truest forms of who we are. we have nothing to lose and therefore no fear in losing anything.
love wouldnt mean so much if it didnt tear your heart out every once in a while, yet the wonderful thing about it is its amazing regenerating power. oh christ, i better stop, im starting to sound like oprah.
hey, if you ever need to be cheered up you can always come to me
p.s. heres a great pick up line to cheer you up :
-are you jamaican??
cause jamaican me crazy!! hehee
five years ago i met the girl of my dreams...
i thought that i'd spend the rest of my life with her. we were complete opposites, but were just enough alike to get along while balancing each other out... we had some great times and did some amazing things. but, i fell into a rut... and stopped doing everything i once loved. i stopped mountain...
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i thought that i'd spend the rest of my life with her. we were complete opposites, but were just enough alike to get along while balancing each other out... we had some great times and did some amazing things. but, i fell into a rut... and stopped doing everything i once loved. i stopped mountain...
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rxqueen:
WELCOME BACK!!!!!!
_sarah_:
You're welcome. I'm glad I could help, and I'm even happier that you're going to get help.
Hang in there.
I'm glad I could help, and I'm even happier that you're going to get help.
Hang in there.
wow, it's been a long time...
a ton of fucked up shit has happened...
well, not really that much, but my life as i knew it is no longer...
oh well, change is good sometimes, no?
a ton of fucked up shit has happened...
well, not really that much, but my life as i knew it is no longer...
oh well, change is good sometimes, no?
wated:
You're back! I'll add you as a friend again...all those grey people were messing up my filing system...
I take it you've split up with your girlfriend then...gutted.
I take it you've split up with your girlfriend then...gutted.
runholden:
Yeah...It stinks but you do what you can...which for me typcially involves cans...of PBR...
self confidence is inside you right now, I know that sounds a bit cliche. But you are adorable, very nice, and I decided to keep you around, so I added you as a friend. I hope that helps bring it out a little bit.
Why don't you deserve to have self confidence? anyone who is that open and honest definately deserves to feel good about themselves.
anyways if you want you should still check out the pictures, you can stop before anything gets too graphic. theyre under Heiney anyone?? anyways, i hope your weekend was good so far. i ended up going out saturday, the weather was gorgeous here, took advantage of happy hour and went out for supper. it felt really good.
anyways, enjoy the rest of your weekend (and dont be scared of suicide boys!! hey, if you can look at girls naked, then you can look at guys too!!!)