I am eternally fearful of waking up and not being as great as I was yesterday. That during the night a certain sequence of dreams has dulled my creativity or conscience or mind and that there's no way to go back to being the person I used to be. I am fearful of degeneration, of being broken down by society and the daily barrage of minor setbacks and unfulfilled expectations that consume my darkest moments' thoughts. If I am driven, if I have any ambition to be greater than my other, it is produced by this existential terror. Today I must create something of value, I must add myself to the world and therefore deserve my remaining existence. Tuesday must be Wednesday plus one, or it's all work. And work sucks.
