Well life as usual continues to be strange and inspiring. This has been an odd week to say the least.
My recovery from hospitalization is still on going and I am getting much of my strength and energy back but still just don't feel quite right. That and a week of emotional rollercoasters certainly has made it an eventful week.
Friday after work was me running about to get errands done before a 7 o'clock dinner with Motherchaos and her family that didn't get served till after nine. No big deal but ended up pushing back a few other things. After dinner I went and picked up a friend (one half of a very cool married couple) to watch movies and hang out. Now she is very fun and I used to play with her and others in some impromptu orgies that I used to often be part of and one of the main instigators of. Well she and my GF and I all have wonderful group sex from time to time and she is on the "safe list" from the GF to play with if I feel like it. Well to be honest I have never used the "Safe list" except with my girlfriend until Friday. I think it was a guilt reflex since though I am polyamorous she is not so I simply have not done so. Well while watching the SG's first tour DVD we ended up a little to turned on and with her prompting of the fact that she was on the safe list it was on. I am still not sure how I feel about it but the girlfriend says its fine. I have to say its hard being poly in a relationship with someone who is not.
but all that aside on to Saturday and beyond...
This being the first weekend in about 12 I haven't had the whole weekend planned out at a dead run from thing to thing and at least 600 miles of driving. It was somewhat refreshing and yet scary. In order to fill it I did an SCA demo on Saturday with some really good fighting and some very interested people. Most of all though, the kids really loved the demo which is very good for the SCA here. Then came the real fun shocker. I took a few friends out to see 28 weeks later. No big deal right,...
Wrong!
It was a great movie but had a lot of very realistic military moments in it. Enough so in fact to send me back into the joys of paranoia, depression and guilt associated with my PTSD. I really thought that I was clear of all of those triggered feelings but I guess I am not so lucky. Thank fully I had one of my friends who wanted to hang out and talk for awhile before she went home and then I talked with the Girl friend on the phone till I fell asleep. Made me focus on other stuff long enough to have it all gone when i woke up, and only a few nightmares to boot.
Today was cool though. I woke up fresh after sleeping in to make up for the moments of starting awake and began a day of preparation. The girlfriend moves in tonight/tomorrow morning as she is currently driving up from Anchorage. This will be a three month living together trial for the summer before she goes back to school in the fall. That and a day of SCA fun with a mostly good fighter practice. I have begun to take on a rather Zen perspective to my SCA combat (minus the whole looking for ascension to Buddha thing) and so it is a very serious part of my life. Well I have been having problems with one individual and one of my main concerns is that he has hurt people physically beyond the normal scope of what we endure fighting, me included. And I was prodded into conversation by a Knight I highly respect last week about the individual and why he is a problem. I of course stated that his knack at being so aggressive that he hurts people was my main concern. Well today I tried fighting some new weapon combinations that caused me to have to be aggressive and I managed to hurt two people. Not badly, very minor in fact, but enough for me to feel very downtrodden and sullen. I felt and feel as if I have sunk to the level I just complained about last week. I was told not to worry by both people and they both fought on after a moment to deal with the temporary pain but it still made me feel horrible. At least in the end we all had fun but I still feel like a fool. At least I got to have a few friends over (the couple of whom the wife was the one on Friday) to watch movies. "Blankman" just so she could understand an inside joke he always makes and then "Thank you for Smoking". The later of the two turned out to be a WONDERFUL movie that was very funny and quite intriguing the former of course was very dumb yet funny in its own right.
All in all a good weekend though somewhat tumultuous emotionally.
My recovery from hospitalization is still on going and I am getting much of my strength and energy back but still just don't feel quite right. That and a week of emotional rollercoasters certainly has made it an eventful week.
Friday after work was me running about to get errands done before a 7 o'clock dinner with Motherchaos and her family that didn't get served till after nine. No big deal but ended up pushing back a few other things. After dinner I went and picked up a friend (one half of a very cool married couple) to watch movies and hang out. Now she is very fun and I used to play with her and others in some impromptu orgies that I used to often be part of and one of the main instigators of. Well she and my GF and I all have wonderful group sex from time to time and she is on the "safe list" from the GF to play with if I feel like it. Well to be honest I have never used the "Safe list" except with my girlfriend until Friday. I think it was a guilt reflex since though I am polyamorous she is not so I simply have not done so. Well while watching the SG's first tour DVD we ended up a little to turned on and with her prompting of the fact that she was on the safe list it was on. I am still not sure how I feel about it but the girlfriend says its fine. I have to say its hard being poly in a relationship with someone who is not.
but all that aside on to Saturday and beyond...
This being the first weekend in about 12 I haven't had the whole weekend planned out at a dead run from thing to thing and at least 600 miles of driving. It was somewhat refreshing and yet scary. In order to fill it I did an SCA demo on Saturday with some really good fighting and some very interested people. Most of all though, the kids really loved the demo which is very good for the SCA here. Then came the real fun shocker. I took a few friends out to see 28 weeks later. No big deal right,...
Wrong!
It was a great movie but had a lot of very realistic military moments in it. Enough so in fact to send me back into the joys of paranoia, depression and guilt associated with my PTSD. I really thought that I was clear of all of those triggered feelings but I guess I am not so lucky. Thank fully I had one of my friends who wanted to hang out and talk for awhile before she went home and then I talked with the Girl friend on the phone till I fell asleep. Made me focus on other stuff long enough to have it all gone when i woke up, and only a few nightmares to boot.
Today was cool though. I woke up fresh after sleeping in to make up for the moments of starting awake and began a day of preparation. The girlfriend moves in tonight/tomorrow morning as she is currently driving up from Anchorage. This will be a three month living together trial for the summer before she goes back to school in the fall. That and a day of SCA fun with a mostly good fighter practice. I have begun to take on a rather Zen perspective to my SCA combat (minus the whole looking for ascension to Buddha thing) and so it is a very serious part of my life. Well I have been having problems with one individual and one of my main concerns is that he has hurt people physically beyond the normal scope of what we endure fighting, me included. And I was prodded into conversation by a Knight I highly respect last week about the individual and why he is a problem. I of course stated that his knack at being so aggressive that he hurts people was my main concern. Well today I tried fighting some new weapon combinations that caused me to have to be aggressive and I managed to hurt two people. Not badly, very minor in fact, but enough for me to feel very downtrodden and sullen. I felt and feel as if I have sunk to the level I just complained about last week. I was told not to worry by both people and they both fought on after a moment to deal with the temporary pain but it still made me feel horrible. At least in the end we all had fun but I still feel like a fool. At least I got to have a few friends over (the couple of whom the wife was the one on Friday) to watch movies. "Blankman" just so she could understand an inside joke he always makes and then "Thank you for Smoking". The later of the two turned out to be a WONDERFUL movie that was very funny and quite intriguing the former of course was very dumb yet funny in its own right.
All in all a good weekend though somewhat tumultuous emotionally.
i'm not sure how a relationship with one poly would work but it sounds like you guys make it happen. as long as you're both happy... that's what matters. keep the communication lines open, ya know? and all will be good.
thanks for your thoughts on my last day, btw. i'm really glad it's over.
Sorry again about Friday night, I didn't realize then that you had other plans that night.... As for Saturday, I wish I had realized just how bad it was for you. I am glad that Gerri was there to help.
The demo did go well, it was good that we were there.
You were fine at fighter practice...really. It happens, often. The joke about Magnus breaking the populace is an honest one. Fighters get hurt, it is inherent in the game we play. You were honorable and chivalrous and there was nothing you did wrong, really.
Glad the movies were fun and the company enjoyable. Sorry I didn't come over....