Well I finally fixed my computer. It's been trapped in the limbo between Mandrake 10.0 and 10.1 for a month. It took several installs and the system is still a bit out of whack, but i can get on the internet and send email at least. It all started when I added a sound card and somehow goofed my settings bad enough to have to update the OS.
So what else has been happening in the last month?
Starting from Valentine's day, we went to a fancy sushi place that played velvet underground on the stereo and gave you the bill in a japanese childrens book. Everybody (except me) was very trendy and smelling successful. The next day we toook a spontaneous trip to the beach with a mutual friend. The next day I got sick again. I think that I had two differnet colds and maybe an alergic reaction on top of that too. I say that because the second time i was sick was very different from the first and I still seem to have a few hives on my back. I was very sick, maybe the third most sick i've ever been (after the time i got so sick that i started bleeding from my ears) and there where a few times that i thought about going to the ER because I kept choking on my swollen throat. I would have to sleep with my head and neck aligned so that I could breath tolerably.
On a day that I was feeling a little better I met my soon to be ex for tea and discussed some things. I told her that she had to treat me decently or she had to break up with me. I went home and drank myself into a nyquil coma for about four days (because I started feeling worse again) and saw her again after i was able to go back to work. She decided to break up because I'm too nice, too generous and i never get angry. That's too bad because those are some of the few qualities that I actually like about myself. The break up was very ambigous and drawn out, I really don't know how to describe it. It was very amicable though, hugs and sad smiles. But it's good that my computer was down because after reflecting on things, i started getting very pissed off about various things she had said and done. I was more bothered about being angry and caring hate in my heart than being single so i meditated on it for a while and now i don't think that I give a shit one way or the other. I'm going to keep what was good, drop what was bad and just move on with my life.
Speaking of moving on, the very day after the breakup a big chunk of money landed in my lap. Don't ask, but it was about a grand. I'm also getting that much back in taxes. I get $400/month for a military pension and by the time summer rolls around I should have about $3000 cash and no debts or ties. Now, in the beggining we had always talked about traveling together and I've always thought of my money as our money. But the day after she leaves me for the freedom to travel and have adventures, the means for it drops into my wallet. Isn't life odd like that? I'd really like to see the islands off of venezuela, the andes or maybe new zealand. India or ireland would be cool too. But on the other hand, I'd finally have some money to put into some equipment and start my own bizness or even some musical gear. But I don't want anymore things. For a long time i've had the urge to walk the earth and maybe I should do that while it's still feasable.
The next sunday I went to Sinferno and saw bettina and lulumae dance the cooch carni-style. It was pretty cool, but I had been drinking since 2pm rather heavily and I may have left in the middle. I don't remember it ending, just that i had to keep stopping as i walked down the street to lean against the wall for balance. For some reason I bought taco bell before going home and regretted it in the morning.
Work school work, and then the next sunday I went to St Helens to see my grandma because she's dying. Very slowly and miserably.
She recognizes my mom a lot better than she does me, but for about five seconds she looked at me and smiled like she was happy to see me. My mother and i didn't stay too long because nanna gets so tired so fast and she isn't at all lucid when she's weary. we left the building and my mom cried outside over her mother. It was pretty sad, she isn't going easy. There must be a gene in my family that makes us hang on to the bitter end, like the way my brother walked into Internsive care (a first for the hospital), the way my sister beat cancer or the way my dad made it back to base after his entire platoon was killed in veitnam. We're an onry bunch, but maybe there's a time to go into the light.
Ms_kitty lives right next door to my grandmother's hospital, so i stopped by for a visit and met her boyfriend. Nice guy and he cooks well. I played my guitar some and we chatted about recent events. I scoped out SG for the first time in weeks on her computer and saw that everything was pretty much as I had expected except I came to realized that I had been bullshited about cetrain situations. It bothered me for about a couple of hours, but then I realized that the impending trainwreck more than makes up for having smoke blown up my ass.
In other news, I finished (hopefully) the last college class that I will ever take. No help from anybody, I actually completed Linear Algebra and I even understood it! I only missed 3 classes (once for work, once for flu and once for barfing up the aforementioned taco bell) which is quite an acheivement since I only showed up for three classes the last time I took it. If nothing goes wrong I'll have my BS in physics before I finish saving up my money. I'll be a certified smarty-pants and have actually finished something i started for once. Also, the new grant came through at work and I should be gainfully employed long enough to save some money if I go through with the trip. It's a good thing it worked out because I probably wouldn't have been paid come march and i would have had to find a new job.
Other than all that, my life hasn't changed much other than I'm able to eat sushi twice as often now. I'm feeling like I'm idled because school is finished, I'm working and saving money and I don't really have anything to distract me other than my guitar and practicing for open mics. Maybe I need a mission or something because I'm getting restless to the point were I want to take foolish risks with my life again. I'm not talking about suicide or anything and I haven't even been getting depressively-drunk and cutting myself. Maybe it's boredom or some fucked up need for hyperstimulation. Life just seems sweeter after you've cheated death.
So what else has been happening in the last month?
Starting from Valentine's day, we went to a fancy sushi place that played velvet underground on the stereo and gave you the bill in a japanese childrens book. Everybody (except me) was very trendy and smelling successful. The next day we toook a spontaneous trip to the beach with a mutual friend. The next day I got sick again. I think that I had two differnet colds and maybe an alergic reaction on top of that too. I say that because the second time i was sick was very different from the first and I still seem to have a few hives on my back. I was very sick, maybe the third most sick i've ever been (after the time i got so sick that i started bleeding from my ears) and there where a few times that i thought about going to the ER because I kept choking on my swollen throat. I would have to sleep with my head and neck aligned so that I could breath tolerably.
On a day that I was feeling a little better I met my soon to be ex for tea and discussed some things. I told her that she had to treat me decently or she had to break up with me. I went home and drank myself into a nyquil coma for about four days (because I started feeling worse again) and saw her again after i was able to go back to work. She decided to break up because I'm too nice, too generous and i never get angry. That's too bad because those are some of the few qualities that I actually like about myself. The break up was very ambigous and drawn out, I really don't know how to describe it. It was very amicable though, hugs and sad smiles. But it's good that my computer was down because after reflecting on things, i started getting very pissed off about various things she had said and done. I was more bothered about being angry and caring hate in my heart than being single so i meditated on it for a while and now i don't think that I give a shit one way or the other. I'm going to keep what was good, drop what was bad and just move on with my life.
Speaking of moving on, the very day after the breakup a big chunk of money landed in my lap. Don't ask, but it was about a grand. I'm also getting that much back in taxes. I get $400/month for a military pension and by the time summer rolls around I should have about $3000 cash and no debts or ties. Now, in the beggining we had always talked about traveling together and I've always thought of my money as our money. But the day after she leaves me for the freedom to travel and have adventures, the means for it drops into my wallet. Isn't life odd like that? I'd really like to see the islands off of venezuela, the andes or maybe new zealand. India or ireland would be cool too. But on the other hand, I'd finally have some money to put into some equipment and start my own bizness or even some musical gear. But I don't want anymore things. For a long time i've had the urge to walk the earth and maybe I should do that while it's still feasable.
The next sunday I went to Sinferno and saw bettina and lulumae dance the cooch carni-style. It was pretty cool, but I had been drinking since 2pm rather heavily and I may have left in the middle. I don't remember it ending, just that i had to keep stopping as i walked down the street to lean against the wall for balance. For some reason I bought taco bell before going home and regretted it in the morning.
Work school work, and then the next sunday I went to St Helens to see my grandma because she's dying. Very slowly and miserably.
She recognizes my mom a lot better than she does me, but for about five seconds she looked at me and smiled like she was happy to see me. My mother and i didn't stay too long because nanna gets so tired so fast and she isn't at all lucid when she's weary. we left the building and my mom cried outside over her mother. It was pretty sad, she isn't going easy. There must be a gene in my family that makes us hang on to the bitter end, like the way my brother walked into Internsive care (a first for the hospital), the way my sister beat cancer or the way my dad made it back to base after his entire platoon was killed in veitnam. We're an onry bunch, but maybe there's a time to go into the light.
Ms_kitty lives right next door to my grandmother's hospital, so i stopped by for a visit and met her boyfriend. Nice guy and he cooks well. I played my guitar some and we chatted about recent events. I scoped out SG for the first time in weeks on her computer and saw that everything was pretty much as I had expected except I came to realized that I had been bullshited about cetrain situations. It bothered me for about a couple of hours, but then I realized that the impending trainwreck more than makes up for having smoke blown up my ass.
In other news, I finished (hopefully) the last college class that I will ever take. No help from anybody, I actually completed Linear Algebra and I even understood it! I only missed 3 classes (once for work, once for flu and once for barfing up the aforementioned taco bell) which is quite an acheivement since I only showed up for three classes the last time I took it. If nothing goes wrong I'll have my BS in physics before I finish saving up my money. I'll be a certified smarty-pants and have actually finished something i started for once. Also, the new grant came through at work and I should be gainfully employed long enough to save some money if I go through with the trip. It's a good thing it worked out because I probably wouldn't have been paid come march and i would have had to find a new job.
Other than all that, my life hasn't changed much other than I'm able to eat sushi twice as often now. I'm feeling like I'm idled because school is finished, I'm working and saving money and I don't really have anything to distract me other than my guitar and practicing for open mics. Maybe I need a mission or something because I'm getting restless to the point were I want to take foolish risks with my life again. I'm not talking about suicide or anything and I haven't even been getting depressively-drunk and cutting myself. Maybe it's boredom or some fucked up need for hyperstimulation. Life just seems sweeter after you've cheated death.
I have never had sushi. Well, I tried sushi from Fred Meyer twice & my friend made some once. But I have never been to an actual sushi restaurant. With all that cash & nothing to do you better take me sometime soon!
I am sorry you guys broke up. I busted my ass & dated alot of losers to get my nice, generous & patient guy. I wasted years of my life with rude, life-sucking men with anger issues & it really felt like a horrible waste of good time. And energy. Oh well.
I can't believe cash is falling into our laps about the same time. Let's run away together!
There must be a gene in my family that makes us hang on to the bitter end...
i guess your fam has a bit of "darwinian survival superiority?"