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studentdriver

Indianapolis, IN

Member Since 2004

Followers 19 Following 14

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Monday Aug 08, 2005

Aug 8, 2005
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A good day to have trouble sleeping; my finals for the summer Spanish class are tonight, and I should be in bed right now. Blah. Spending my waking time trying to track down an eBay transaction gone awry.

I guess I've decided to stay on SG for another year; here's hoping that I'll have more free time at some point in the next 12 months to make that decision worthwhile. Both for monetary and free-time reasons, I've cut a lot of other luxuries out of my life in the last few months. Looking to the right of this "update" page, I note that my usage dropped from nearly daily to monthly in mid-May, which coincides nicely with the end of my old, easy-to-handle school schedule; funny, since my schedule only gets worse from here on out.

...

Spent a lot of time over the last month changing major things in my life, letting go of a lot of my past, both literally and figuratively. I disposed of nearly 50% of what I used to own (never thought I'd get rid of my "antique" computer collection), have designs on getting rid of 50% of the remaining stuff. The joy of material possessions had turned into a major stress over the last few years, and while I'd come to admit it a long time ago, it took longer for me to do something about it. My apartment feels like a new place, with lots of room, and a bright, airy feeling.

I got rid of a lot of things that I had strong feelings for at one time; I got rid of virtually anything that held only sentimental value, and got rid of quite a bit that had monetary value, as well.

Kept my library and my Atari stuff, though.

Of the figurative letting go... I feel like I'm finally admitting to myself that I don't have anything in common with a lot of the groups and people with whom I've identified over the years. It feels like I'm deliberately removing some kind of safety net by doing so, though. It almost feels like burning bridges, but I guess there are a few people who feel that's something I did a while back.

I'm not punk. I'm not goth. I'm not emo. I don't even make that good of a nerd. And, frankly, I've become burnt-out regarding any and all subcultures, which scares me. But, it's better to admit it than to hold on to past "glories" in whatever scenes, like an aging guy reminiscing about his highschool-football days.

I'm really going to regret not having handy buzzwords with which to describe myself.

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