Miscellaneous things. Feel free to skip sections as you desire.
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Got to talk to Heather finally, looks like I'll have a chance to explain things a bit about my life. On our date, we spent a while talking about our respective pasts; childhood, school, young adulthood... and she's apparently never really dealt with someone like me, with someone who's ever had a reason to rebel, with someone who's hit rock-bottom in life, whatever.
Not to draw inspiration from movies, but I feel rather like Alyssa in Chasing Amy- not due to a sexual past, but more due to the fact that I feel judged now by the person I was then.
I don't believe that I should be ashamed of my past, although I do feel that way right now, since it's so obviously made her uncomfortable. If there's something about rebellion, something about embracing a subculture that outsiders mistakenly believe to be unsavory, that allowed me to become the person I am now, then so be it. Not everyone needs that kind of outlet when they're young, but I apparently did, and I still have fond feelings for underdogs, outcasts, punks, etc. As clich as it sounds, punk and the surrounding lifestyle saved my life when I was a teenager; at a time when I believed myself to be worthless, that no one could accept me for who I was, I found this neat little subculture that took me as I was. I've grown since then, and don't need that kind of group acceptance anymore, but...
My past is just that- my past. If someone likes who I am now, I'd hope they could let the past go, or perhaps do as I do, and appreciate the weird path that brought me to where I am right now. I get the feeling that she's afraid that I'll "act out," maybe have a midlife crisis and try to recapture whatever it was I was doing 10-12 years ago. She's a modest, shy person, who would rather not be with someone who draws attention to themselves in so public a manner.
That said, she admitted that she liked me. A good start to rebuilding a bridge. We might even get together again next weekend.
I do wonder how I'll explain SG to her. If I'll even try.
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Got new contacts and a couple pairs of glasses last week, and thus far, I've had nothing but negative comments from people regarding them. Specifically, people keep asking me why I'd want to look like a nerd.
...maybe because that's what I am? I'm rather fond of the nerdy look, really (well, no tape on the glasses, I don't like pocket protectors, etc... think Elvis Costello with a younger look.)
...
Had my latest "epiphany" with math this week. Happens every semester. I'd had to play a bit of catch-up near the beginning of this class, since I'd taken a semester off from math, and had forgotten a bit of calculus techniques. Caught up, but was beginning to get left behind as we went into "applied" stuff- heavy on physics, with an assumption that all of the students had taken physics classes in the past.
I finally "got" it, at least this basic physics stuff. Working with oscillating systems, forced motion, damping, basic circuits, and I finally have that intuitive feeling for math again. I know what I'm doing, I'm doing it fast, and I'm doing it well. I'm already running an A+/4.0 in the class, and this guarantees I'll carry that through for a bit more...
...
Got to talk to Heather finally, looks like I'll have a chance to explain things a bit about my life. On our date, we spent a while talking about our respective pasts; childhood, school, young adulthood... and she's apparently never really dealt with someone like me, with someone who's ever had a reason to rebel, with someone who's hit rock-bottom in life, whatever.
Not to draw inspiration from movies, but I feel rather like Alyssa in Chasing Amy- not due to a sexual past, but more due to the fact that I feel judged now by the person I was then.
I don't believe that I should be ashamed of my past, although I do feel that way right now, since it's so obviously made her uncomfortable. If there's something about rebellion, something about embracing a subculture that outsiders mistakenly believe to be unsavory, that allowed me to become the person I am now, then so be it. Not everyone needs that kind of outlet when they're young, but I apparently did, and I still have fond feelings for underdogs, outcasts, punks, etc. As clich as it sounds, punk and the surrounding lifestyle saved my life when I was a teenager; at a time when I believed myself to be worthless, that no one could accept me for who I was, I found this neat little subculture that took me as I was. I've grown since then, and don't need that kind of group acceptance anymore, but...
My past is just that- my past. If someone likes who I am now, I'd hope they could let the past go, or perhaps do as I do, and appreciate the weird path that brought me to where I am right now. I get the feeling that she's afraid that I'll "act out," maybe have a midlife crisis and try to recapture whatever it was I was doing 10-12 years ago. She's a modest, shy person, who would rather not be with someone who draws attention to themselves in so public a manner.
That said, she admitted that she liked me. A good start to rebuilding a bridge. We might even get together again next weekend.
I do wonder how I'll explain SG to her. If I'll even try.
...
Got new contacts and a couple pairs of glasses last week, and thus far, I've had nothing but negative comments from people regarding them. Specifically, people keep asking me why I'd want to look like a nerd.
...maybe because that's what I am? I'm rather fond of the nerdy look, really (well, no tape on the glasses, I don't like pocket protectors, etc... think Elvis Costello with a younger look.)
...
Had my latest "epiphany" with math this week. Happens every semester. I'd had to play a bit of catch-up near the beginning of this class, since I'd taken a semester off from math, and had forgotten a bit of calculus techniques. Caught up, but was beginning to get left behind as we went into "applied" stuff- heavy on physics, with an assumption that all of the students had taken physics classes in the past.
I finally "got" it, at least this basic physics stuff. Working with oscillating systems, forced motion, damping, basic circuits, and I finally have that intuitive feeling for math again. I know what I'm doing, I'm doing it fast, and I'm doing it well. I'm already running an A+/4.0 in the class, and this guarantees I'll carry that through for a bit more...
i hope it all works out for you
On a serious note...If I don't talk to you tomorrow afternoon, I will call you around 11 and we can decide where to go.