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strangepants

Member Since 2002

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Tuesday Dec 23, 2003

Dec 22, 2003
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i came to the extremely sad conclusion that i value the life of my dog more than i value my own life as well as other people in my family's own life.

i've had "in the cold, cold night" by the white stripes in my head while i was on the verge of an ally hilifiger breakdown while at the vet's.

i always just get so depressed after leaving the vet's. for as healthy as my dog seems and is, they always find some weird new problem with her that makes no sense. one year, they said she had catracts and was going blind and now, she has heart problems which could potentially lead to cancer or something else. it's just so much to deal with.

as i sat in the waiting room, on the verge of tears, i just felt of calling a couple of people to calm me down. mainly my ex and (name withheld). their voices could've calmed down, but i was just so stressed out and anixety ridden to make a call. nor do i believe that (name withheld) would've taken my call, cuz i destroyed that thing.

and if i was on the phone and i was outside the vet, i would've been even more stressed out cause some crazy accident happened outside of the vet's. this guy's suv flipped over after running into a mail van. some other lady in the waiting room with a dog much sickier than mine, heard the noise and we all sort of gasped and were in shock of the sight. a suv with its wheels in the air, shattered windows and its roof scraping the concrete and miracliously, the driver was sitting on the curb in shock and cautiously getting over to his car to grab his cell. the cops came and investigated the scene, blocked off the intersection.

yet by the time, the vets finished x-raying and explaining my dog's conditions and paying for everything, the blockade had been cleared.

then we rushed home, finished the laundry, ate dinner and pick up my sister from the airport, yet ironically, the airport was a breeze. no complactions, no drama, no nothing. just getting there too early and making phone calls to my father so he could give me the answers that i trust to the fullest degree.

so my dog acts normal and appears to be fine, but she has an enlarged heart.

my sister is now home, but i'm wondering if we'll be fighting like we normally do during the holiday season or we will be civil like we attempt for the last few days of last year's holiday season. the civility was inspired by the ex's civility with her brothers. i think that there will be a potential for problems with matters dealing with the car. she needs to see her friends, but i need to see my friends, so there'll be issues and circumstances involving who gets the car yet hopefully mother will be dipolmatic and most likely she will be, and allow for my sister to borrow her car.

i hate the holidays so much.

"life, love, stress and set back, for those who need to breathe...."

sincerely,

douglas reinhardt

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