Hm. Life's moved on. I got a new job! Yay for more money! Well, that and I actually do shit now instead of sitting around feeling useless, which has been part of the cause of my unhappiness before Meghan left me.
As for her... *shrug* I have no fucking clue WTF is up. Stupid drama, stupid drama, more stupid drama... but I can't shake the fact that I love the hell outta her no matter how hard I try... it's frustrating because if I could just cut that bit off, this would be so much easier to deal with.
She called and said she'd gotten 3 job offers on the drive back to VA from companies here in IL and talked about how much she loved it here...
Odd, that when we broke up and shortly before that she did nothing but complain about how she hated it here... then she came up with the revelation that her time in VA made her realize how much she missed southern IL/St. Louis, and how she missed all the people she left, and so on and so forth... and the last bit was shocking: she wanted to move back in with me (separate rooms this time) while she worked to save money for her own appt.
Part of me really wants to believe what she said... but when I get slighted by someone I analyse what they are saying and compare it to their actions and what they've said before.... and this doesn't line up. Like/hate IL. The way her diabetes is she really can't live by herself, which makes me frown... The fact that four days after she left, she was talking about some guy who she wants to eventually have a relationship with (OUCH :blackeyed
and how she's been hanging out with him since she left and so forth... the fact that she said she felt threatened by me when she left, yet wants to move back in? WTF? Hell, I'm uncomfortable with the fact she stated she'd do anythign including "flatbacking" to get back to VA and now she wants to come back?
Then a few days ago I find out she drove to Ohio to stay with some friends for a few days before coming the rest of the way out here without calling me to let me know she was coming... well, -1 points for being a "friend" as at that point I thought she was staying with me... and later in the call I find out she's staying with a friend of mine instead. Well, considering the drama shit-storm of inconsistancy I'm really not that upset by this turn of events... but I really would expect a friend to advise me of this before they left to come back to IL... you know, consideration?
... This while thing makes me want to put a big "DO NOT WANT" label on her... yet part of me dies at the thought.
I've started to consider my friend's point of view of her as more valid than my bleeding-heart approach: "She'll do anything, say anything to get what she wants or thinks she needs. Wether she has to sleep with someone else or whatever. This is more than just a big red flag, this is a giant fucking neon sign screaming 'DANGER'"
Life sucks.
As for her... *shrug* I have no fucking clue WTF is up. Stupid drama, stupid drama, more stupid drama... but I can't shake the fact that I love the hell outta her no matter how hard I try... it's frustrating because if I could just cut that bit off, this would be so much easier to deal with.
She called and said she'd gotten 3 job offers on the drive back to VA from companies here in IL and talked about how much she loved it here...
Odd, that when we broke up and shortly before that she did nothing but complain about how she hated it here... then she came up with the revelation that her time in VA made her realize how much she missed southern IL/St. Louis, and how she missed all the people she left, and so on and so forth... and the last bit was shocking: she wanted to move back in with me (separate rooms this time) while she worked to save money for her own appt.Part of me really wants to believe what she said... but when I get slighted by someone I analyse what they are saying and compare it to their actions and what they've said before.... and this doesn't line up. Like/hate IL. The way her diabetes is she really can't live by herself, which makes me frown... The fact that four days after she left, she was talking about some guy who she wants to eventually have a relationship with (OUCH :blackeyed
and how she's been hanging out with him since she left and so forth... the fact that she said she felt threatened by me when she left, yet wants to move back in? WTF? Hell, I'm uncomfortable with the fact she stated she'd do anythign including "flatbacking" to get back to VA and now she wants to come back?Then a few days ago I find out she drove to Ohio to stay with some friends for a few days before coming the rest of the way out here without calling me to let me know she was coming... well, -1 points for being a "friend" as at that point I thought she was staying with me... and later in the call I find out she's staying with a friend of mine instead. Well, considering the drama shit-storm of inconsistancy I'm really not that upset by this turn of events... but I really would expect a friend to advise me of this before they left to come back to IL... you know, consideration?
... This while thing makes me want to put a big "DO NOT WANT" label on her... yet part of me dies at the thought.
I've started to consider my friend's point of view of her as more valid than my bleeding-heart approach: "She'll do anything, say anything to get what she wants or thinks she needs. Wether she has to sleep with someone else or whatever. This is more than just a big red flag, this is a giant fucking neon sign screaming 'DANGER'"
Life sucks.
Votes of confidence at least make me feel better.