i ran across my etch-a-sketch today when i was cleaning.
the heart faded, see?
even 102 is wondering what happened to it.
i want to shake it and start a new sketch; but i guess i'm not quite ready yet for the heart to disappear.
they say every time a person loses love, it brings back all the pain of all the love you ever lost.
</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3
there are a few of you here whose journal updates just plain rock. not that i don't love all of you, i do. but i cannot live without updates from datsun, coco, and noelani for very long. it's a good thing they update alot! i just feel good after reading everything they have to say. i heart you girls!
with that said, my all-time favorite, who most of you on my list do not know, is bbkaro. i feel like he is my hidden sg secret. but not anymore, i guess! mike was one of my very first friends on SG. it astounds me that he does not have a huge friends list, because he absolutely rocks. it's a shame more people don't read what he has to say. he tried to quit SG once, but we wouldn't let him.
on the topic of love and happiness and pain, take a moment to read his last journal entry on appreciating all the love you've ever had and you will know what i'm talking about.
then go read coco's journal about the perfect guy for her. i know i hope for all of the good qualities of every one i've ever loved to be bundled up in one man. at least that's what i tell myself to rationalize my obsession with ryan adams away. his personality is just like my hs boyfriend, and the way he talks and his face is exactly like my college bf, and the way his voice sounds when he sings and he way he plays piano, it's my last ex to the t. scary. clearly, if he didn't have such a chem dependency prob i would have married him by now. but that is one thing i have decided that i cannot deal with ever again. it's a crying shame isn't it, i could have been mo adams.
letting go and starting over is hard. and it's scary. and it's discouraging. honestly, i don't know how people find the faith and trust to get married and have kids. i have been in three long-term relationships and all of them have felt like a fucking divorce at the end. those of you that know me, know how much i love my 102. when i broke up with shad, my last ex, i seriously considered giving him her. when we were together, she was his dog. clearly his dog. they went everywhere together. when she would hear his firebaby come down the street, she would go absolutely certifiably nuts. i always got kissed second, and i was fine with that. the first thing he would do when he woke up, would be grab 102, plunk her between us, and babytalk tuber this and tuber that. i was fine with that too. even now, when i talk to him and tell him about her report card from doggie camp or that she had a hello kitty valentines, the way his voice gets all soft and proud, breaks my fucking heart. and i am accredited with taking her from his life. that's alot of guilt to carry around. just think if she was a real child. jesus mf christ. how do people do it?
the heart faded, see?
even 102 is wondering what happened to it.
i want to shake it and start a new sketch; but i guess i'm not quite ready yet for the heart to disappear.
they say every time a person loses love, it brings back all the pain of all the love you ever lost.
</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3
there are a few of you here whose journal updates just plain rock. not that i don't love all of you, i do. but i cannot live without updates from datsun, coco, and noelani for very long. it's a good thing they update alot! i just feel good after reading everything they have to say. i heart you girls!
with that said, my all-time favorite, who most of you on my list do not know, is bbkaro. i feel like he is my hidden sg secret. but not anymore, i guess! mike was one of my very first friends on SG. it astounds me that he does not have a huge friends list, because he absolutely rocks. it's a shame more people don't read what he has to say. he tried to quit SG once, but we wouldn't let him.
on the topic of love and happiness and pain, take a moment to read his last journal entry on appreciating all the love you've ever had and you will know what i'm talking about.
then go read coco's journal about the perfect guy for her. i know i hope for all of the good qualities of every one i've ever loved to be bundled up in one man. at least that's what i tell myself to rationalize my obsession with ryan adams away. his personality is just like my hs boyfriend, and the way he talks and his face is exactly like my college bf, and the way his voice sounds when he sings and he way he plays piano, it's my last ex to the t. scary. clearly, if he didn't have such a chem dependency prob i would have married him by now. but that is one thing i have decided that i cannot deal with ever again. it's a crying shame isn't it, i could have been mo adams.
letting go and starting over is hard. and it's scary. and it's discouraging. honestly, i don't know how people find the faith and trust to get married and have kids. i have been in three long-term relationships and all of them have felt like a fucking divorce at the end. those of you that know me, know how much i love my 102. when i broke up with shad, my last ex, i seriously considered giving him her. when we were together, she was his dog. clearly his dog. they went everywhere together. when she would hear his firebaby come down the street, she would go absolutely certifiably nuts. i always got kissed second, and i was fine with that. the first thing he would do when he woke up, would be grab 102, plunk her between us, and babytalk tuber this and tuber that. i was fine with that too. even now, when i talk to him and tell him about her report card from doggie camp or that she had a hello kitty valentines, the way his voice gets all soft and proud, breaks my fucking heart. and i am accredited with taking her from his life. that's alot of guilt to carry around. just think if she was a real child. jesus mf christ. how do people do it?
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
letigre:
you are so cute. tuber is a lucky ducky.
melli:
Will I see you at Bombshell's class on Friday?