I've spent pretty much my entire life thus far not really knowing how to make friends. At least not friends of my own. I've made plenty of mutual friends over the course of two marriages, and I can get along well with coworkers, but that's not the same. That is not to say that I have never made a single friend, I've made two. Both have been friends since childhood, but I've only reconnected with them in the last couple of years, and only really communicate with them via Facebook. Neither lives anywhere near me, and we don't exactly interact enough to swap phone numbers at this point.
I'm not happy with where I am in my life right now, not 100% anyway. Hell, I can't even say I'm 100% happy with who I am at the moment. I'm not looking for advice or sympathy, but I can't say I know wtf I am looking for. Faith in myself? Don't know that I've actually lost that, though I do know that I am disappointed with myself. More than anything, I guess I'm feeling the familiar sense of being lost in my own life. Which is something I've felt and gotten over before, more than once. But it's never easy, and nobody else can point me in the right direction. There's no map or compass to guide me either, or to let me know when I'm going in the right direction again. Depression can be like quicksand in that sometimes you don't see it until you're already sinking.