sqxcm

I feel so horrible. The weekend sucked because I picked up Katie from Philadelphia and she not only wasn't appreciative, but acted like a major asshole, too. She even yelled at me while I was driving. I can't even stand her any more. She's not the pleasant person I'm friends with. She's too busy either being overly critical of everything around her, selfish, whiny, immature, or flat out mean. That's all I've seen of her for a while now. And if she thinks I'm better than her or doing something better than she does, she has to either belittle me or (and this is best case scenario) not be supportive and congratulatory, but tell me I suck for being better. I just feel so bad anymore. She's no longer a friend. She's someone I hang out with on the off chance I'm feeling good about myself so she can bring me down. I think she knows it, too. Because I told her I was going home the last night she was here, because "I'd prefer my own company tonight." She was so pissed. I told her it wasn't a big deal, that I'd see her later, and she said, no it is a big deal. That's you hating your friends and not wanting to be with them.
Kind of true.
I think it's just that things have gotten worse since she started hanging out with Missy again. She's acting more immature and she does things like, while I'm merging onto the turnpike, shoving a forkfull of cinnabon in my face. Not only immature and ridiculous, but dangerous. She's completely not the person I remember anymore. And at least before she was changing for Bobby (which annoyed the hell out of me) and it was just her thinking she was better than me, now she's acting ridiculously immature and not seeing anything wrong with it. Although that always goes with Kate, her not thinking she's wrong. She admits in theory that she's not always right, because nobody is. But I've never once heard her say, you know what, I was wrong this time. No, it's always somebody else's fault this time. Or at the most, slightly shared blame. At any rate, one of the major changes lately is that she doesn't wear her seat belt. I asked her since when and she just shrugged. She said if she got in a car accident she'd prefer to die than be disabled. Yeah, that's some twisted logic. Just a little bit. If not just because a seat belt can save you from that, too. But also, she used to be deathly afraid of car accidents and now she doesn't care at all. So much that even when I beg her to stop messing with me when I'm driving she either laughs or asks why, like it doesn't make sense to her that I don't want her grabbing my knee while my foot is on the break and there's a car stopped right in front of me. Honestly, I don't enjoy myself around her anymore. She's too high maintenance and immature and unappreciative.

Sorry for the rant. I'll blame it on PMS. I've been so sad this week. Partially because of Katie. Well, mostly because of her. I still partially believed that when we argue and she won't admit I have a point or she'll keep arguing no matter what I say, that if I could just find the right words she'd shut up and let things go. But I argued my heart out and she had absolutely no good points when we argued about.... (this is honestly the dumbest argument she has ever started) her turning my radio up louder than I like it while I was driving, especially since I was on the phone.

Also, I don't think things are going to happen with Adam. I just don't think he'd be interested. Just that he's older and he probably wouldn't like me anyway. Honestly, I don't even like me sometimes. Sometimes I think I look ridiculous and my clothes never fit right and I say stupid things. The list could go on, but I have to be at work at 6 am.

Hope I feel better when I wake up.