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So Katie wanted to come home for Halloween. Not because she misses us, (well, partly that, but it would have been nice if she'd said it) but because she bought a Marylin Monroe-like white halter dress on Ebay (which she couldn't afford, even though she got over being too spoiled to work, which only half counts because she has yet another cushy job-- and yet still finds room to complain ::shakes head:: ) which she was going to wear to a Halloween party somewhere in Philly. Then she got the idea that, wait, why wear it once? I should get to wear it lots of times for Halloween. So she wants to come home and wear it with me, while I have nothing cool to wear because I save my money, and with Missy, who she seems to be friends with again ::grumbles::. It's not just jealousy, it's the fact that... I hate that girl! See, we all used to be friends, we used to hang out every day, but Missy was jealous of me because she's an idiot, whereas I could have intelligent conversations with Kate. She started being mean and vindictive, and finally just cruel. She put a cone in front of my house with some very nasty things written on it, and gave the password to my diary to someone I didn't want to have it. Coning, that's something she and her gay friends find amusing. I didn't think it was. I think it's even less amusing that Kate asked why we can't get along, and when I reminded her, she didn't care. True selfishness. All she cares about is that it slightly inconveniences her to have friends that hate each other, not that one of them might have a decent reason. And as if she doesn't have enough people who are (more than) willing to talk shit on me when Kate and I have a disagreement. Now she has one more person to complain about me to. Whatever, I know my worth to her, I put up with more shit and give her more than anyone. If she wants to give that up, I'm sure someone else will be happy to put up with me. Okay, maybe not happy, but you get the idea.
So that's me being insecure, with some reason. I don't know why, but I always find people who juggle friends, whoever has what they want or do what they want, just in that moment, are their favorite, whoever doesn't is damned and critisized. Why I bother, I don't know. I guess I just love to punish myself. Oh, and I'm afraid of being happy. Yes, that irrational fear that being happy makes going back to pain worse. No, wait, that's not irrational, it does hurt more. Knowing what you're missing is always worse.

Nevermind. This is a bad place to leave an entry, but writing is just making me think more. Suffice it to say, Kate is selfish and wants to come home to show off her dress. She wants to borrow the money from me for the train ticket. Of course I said yes, but I think I might regret it now. How can I know she'd pay me back, since she'd rather buy herself things than pay back a loan?... Like the loan her mom gave her last spring. Plus, her mom said no, that she's coming home in three weeks, so what's the point? I can't argue there.

Oh, this girl is reminding me more and more of the friend before her. I haven't written about her, but... well, she's pure Fran minus the alcohol, cleanliness, and ego; plus more stupidity.