Only a few short weeks till my birthday.
On April 6th Ill be 23*sigh*
For some reasonthat makes me very sad and depressed.
Not because of the whole clich getting older aging thing.
That has never bothered me in the least. After all , the women in my family seem to be blessed with the ability to stand up to the test of time, and with that, they tend to look a lot younger then they actually are. So the act of aging never really scared me.
Nevertheless, I feel more and more anxiety as the day approaches. It bothers me so much I can actually feel it. If kept unchecked the pain becomes so sharp it actually turns my stomach, sending a wave of nausea through my body. *erg*
Why do I feel this way?
Simply because I am not at all where I want to be in my life right now.
Looking back when I was younger.in High School.or even immediately after, I would never have expected my life to play out like this. If you had asked me to chart out my life, in a very general sense, well..I would have never imagined myself at the age of 23 living at home. I feel I am no further into my life then I was when I was just out of school. I have the same job, I have the same routine, I have the same interests, I live in the same room, and in just about every way, I am exactly the same person.
I know what I had wanted.I had wanted by this age to be living on my own, either married or soon-to-be.and either taking up my duties as a housewife or pursuing a career in something more.errr.viable.
But as far as living on my own goesIm not even close. For all the money I make, most of it goes to other bills and I dont save nearly as much as I should. I dread the idea of renting.. as it is an enormous waste of money. If I could figure out a way to jump right into a mortgage(without having any real income on the books) Id be very happy.
Marriagenope.havent gotten any offers yet.
My job..I have no real job experience, Ive always worked under the table. I like the money and I like not having to work more then 15 hours a week. But I cant do it forever. Sooner or laterI have to get a real jobpay taxes and whatnot.
Ack. I dont even know why I am writing this out. Today has just been an odd one.every once in awhile it smelled.familiar. Does that make any sense? Have you ever smelled the air and thought I remember this? Like some sort of olfactory dj vu. Today smelled like a day from my past. When I was nave and very young. And still thought for sure that Id be starting a real life by now.
How very wrong I was.
On April 6th Ill be 23*sigh*
For some reasonthat makes me very sad and depressed.
Not because of the whole clich getting older aging thing.
That has never bothered me in the least. After all , the women in my family seem to be blessed with the ability to stand up to the test of time, and with that, they tend to look a lot younger then they actually are. So the act of aging never really scared me.
Nevertheless, I feel more and more anxiety as the day approaches. It bothers me so much I can actually feel it. If kept unchecked the pain becomes so sharp it actually turns my stomach, sending a wave of nausea through my body. *erg*
Why do I feel this way?
Simply because I am not at all where I want to be in my life right now.
Looking back when I was younger.in High School.or even immediately after, I would never have expected my life to play out like this. If you had asked me to chart out my life, in a very general sense, well..I would have never imagined myself at the age of 23 living at home. I feel I am no further into my life then I was when I was just out of school. I have the same job, I have the same routine, I have the same interests, I live in the same room, and in just about every way, I am exactly the same person.
I know what I had wanted.I had wanted by this age to be living on my own, either married or soon-to-be.and either taking up my duties as a housewife or pursuing a career in something more.errr.viable.
But as far as living on my own goesIm not even close. For all the money I make, most of it goes to other bills and I dont save nearly as much as I should. I dread the idea of renting.. as it is an enormous waste of money. If I could figure out a way to jump right into a mortgage(without having any real income on the books) Id be very happy.
Marriagenope.havent gotten any offers yet.
My job..I have no real job experience, Ive always worked under the table. I like the money and I like not having to work more then 15 hours a week. But I cant do it forever. Sooner or laterI have to get a real jobpay taxes and whatnot.
Ack. I dont even know why I am writing this out. Today has just been an odd one.every once in awhile it smelled.familiar. Does that make any sense? Have you ever smelled the air and thought I remember this? Like some sort of olfactory dj vu. Today smelled like a day from my past. When I was nave and very young. And still thought for sure that Id be starting a real life by now.
How very wrong I was.
VIEW 25 of 37 COMMENTS
i hear ya about all the other stuff too. i'm basically in the same situation -- nothing really going on. it'll all take shape for you soon enough i'm sure! at least, that's what i'm counting on.
xoxo
oh, u mean seriuos offers that u would actually consider