So I called the doctor this morning to set up an appointment.....(get ready)...
to get my boobs done.
I know some of you are not going to be happy about it, but fear not, it is just a consultation appointment and I still have a lot of questions I need answered before I go through with it. I realize I am probably going to get a slew of comments and messages of people begging me not to do it or trying to convince me that I don't need it. So before you decide to make that post, please just hear me out...
The final straw
I had been apprehensive about doing this for years. I finally got the push I needed yesterday on the IBTC group. Truth be told, I had joined that group when I first became an SG to make myself feel better about my breasts. It ended up having the opposite effect.
I found that I was consistently mentioned in posts that had subject titles like "Barely A's" or "Completely flat" etc etc... I realize that those people who mentioned me had the best intentions, but I was surprised to see myself in that category! My boobs really aren't that small! At least, I thought so! I admit, looking through my photosets...they do seem to photograph small. I think that it maybe is a combination of the lighting, the angle, and how I pose...whatever. But if you saw me in person, you might be surprised to see that they really are much more prominent than they appear on this site.
The other thing I found about the IBTC group was that that there seemed to be a lot of girls who would post pictures of their full B's and even small C's and say things like "look at my boobs, they are sooo small". When all I could think was "My god, I would kill to have that much! If that is Itty Bitty...what the hell am I? A freak of nature??"
Perhaps many of them were just fishing for compliments or had some kind of complex where they thought their boobs were small and wanted to be told otherwise. Perhaps they just like to make people who are actually Itty Bitty feel bad. Who knows?! The fact is, it made me feel like I didn't even belong there. And it caused me to have slight meltdown on the group. (I even typed out a swear word...and I never do that!) After sobbing for three hours straight, I started doing the research on breast augmentation.
The build up...
If you have ever been self-conscious about any part of your body than you know how terribly one can dwell on it. How it sits in the back of your mind every day...how easily it surfaces and changes your entire outlook on the day. It is like that for me. All around me....boobs. I am constantly reminded of the qualities I lack. I watch a movie...I think about my boobs. I flip through a magazine...I think about them. At work...I think about them. I'm just really friggin tired of thinking about them!!
Not a day goes by that I don't avoid a mirror or stand in front of one for an hour trying to figure out which angle my boobs look okay in. And not a day goes by that I don't think about them and feel horrible. Even if for only a few minutes.
I don't want to live like that anymore.
hopes and fears
My biggest fear in doing this is losing my strength for awhile. Pole dancing and other aerial dance forms are a huge part of my life. I know that I will have to take a break from it for awhile. Although fellow dancers have told me that if I go over the muscle with the implants rather than under, the healing time is a lot quicker and my muscles will stay intact. So that may be an option.
The other concern is the cost. Of course. I am hoping to get my surgery done at the end of July so that I can return to work after I get back from Comic Con and Pennsic. Regardless, I am going to miss a few weeks of work which could be absolutely detrimental to my finances. I may try to get some Ebay sales going and maybe put together a project to get some donations. Possibly make a DVD and send it out to people who donate such and such a sum. We'll see. I am open to ideas!!
Please don't fret. I am not going to go very large. A nice filled out B cup is really all I desire. Some of the girls whose pics I have printed out to bring along to my consultation are: Dior, Maxyne, and Keiko. Just to give you an idea of what I'm thinking.
My consultation is March 17th. I will let you guys know how it goes and keep you guys abreast of the situation. (hee hee...sorry, I can't help but throw humor into everything)
Please don't be sad.
to get my boobs done.
I know some of you are not going to be happy about it, but fear not, it is just a consultation appointment and I still have a lot of questions I need answered before I go through with it. I realize I am probably going to get a slew of comments and messages of people begging me not to do it or trying to convince me that I don't need it. So before you decide to make that post, please just hear me out...
The final straw
I had been apprehensive about doing this for years. I finally got the push I needed yesterday on the IBTC group. Truth be told, I had joined that group when I first became an SG to make myself feel better about my breasts. It ended up having the opposite effect.
I found that I was consistently mentioned in posts that had subject titles like "Barely A's" or "Completely flat" etc etc... I realize that those people who mentioned me had the best intentions, but I was surprised to see myself in that category! My boobs really aren't that small! At least, I thought so! I admit, looking through my photosets...they do seem to photograph small. I think that it maybe is a combination of the lighting, the angle, and how I pose...whatever. But if you saw me in person, you might be surprised to see that they really are much more prominent than they appear on this site.
The other thing I found about the IBTC group was that that there seemed to be a lot of girls who would post pictures of their full B's and even small C's and say things like "look at my boobs, they are sooo small". When all I could think was "My god, I would kill to have that much! If that is Itty Bitty...what the hell am I? A freak of nature??"
Perhaps many of them were just fishing for compliments or had some kind of complex where they thought their boobs were small and wanted to be told otherwise. Perhaps they just like to make people who are actually Itty Bitty feel bad. Who knows?! The fact is, it made me feel like I didn't even belong there. And it caused me to have slight meltdown on the group. (I even typed out a swear word...and I never do that!) After sobbing for three hours straight, I started doing the research on breast augmentation.
The build up...
If you have ever been self-conscious about any part of your body than you know how terribly one can dwell on it. How it sits in the back of your mind every day...how easily it surfaces and changes your entire outlook on the day. It is like that for me. All around me....boobs. I am constantly reminded of the qualities I lack. I watch a movie...I think about my boobs. I flip through a magazine...I think about them. At work...I think about them. I'm just really friggin tired of thinking about them!!
Not a day goes by that I don't avoid a mirror or stand in front of one for an hour trying to figure out which angle my boobs look okay in. And not a day goes by that I don't think about them and feel horrible. Even if for only a few minutes.
I don't want to live like that anymore.
hopes and fears
My biggest fear in doing this is losing my strength for awhile. Pole dancing and other aerial dance forms are a huge part of my life. I know that I will have to take a break from it for awhile. Although fellow dancers have told me that if I go over the muscle with the implants rather than under, the healing time is a lot quicker and my muscles will stay intact. So that may be an option.
The other concern is the cost. Of course. I am hoping to get my surgery done at the end of July so that I can return to work after I get back from Comic Con and Pennsic. Regardless, I am going to miss a few weeks of work which could be absolutely detrimental to my finances. I may try to get some Ebay sales going and maybe put together a project to get some donations. Possibly make a DVD and send it out to people who donate such and such a sum. We'll see. I am open to ideas!!
Please don't fret. I am not going to go very large. A nice filled out B cup is really all I desire. Some of the girls whose pics I have printed out to bring along to my consultation are: Dior, Maxyne, and Keiko. Just to give you an idea of what I'm thinking.
My consultation is March 17th. I will let you guys know how it goes and keep you guys abreast of the situation. (hee hee...sorry, I can't help but throw humor into everything)
Please don't be sad.
VIEW 25 of 56 COMMENTS
lighthammer1979:
Good luck and best wishes. If you do decide yes on the surgery that you have a speedy healing process.
cutetildeath:
awe. i hope they make you happy. i know how it is to have that thing in the back of your mind all the time.