spoonbender

my first journal entry .. might as well dive right in!

pros - i have great friends, i have a new job that so far is pretty dreamy, money is finally sorting itself out (for now), i live in a beautiful and peaceful place, i feel closer to my sister than i ever have before

cons - i can't talk to my mother about anything that matters (i'm constant ly on the defensive), motivation is at an all time low, i no longer pursue my passions, cannot meet a girl i feel comfortable with (a variety of causes lurk behind this), dissatisfied with quality of life, feel like i've lost the ability to fall in love, something is missing ...

usually i write all this down in a book and keep it to myself ... i thought i'd get it out there in the open for a change and hear all the sympathies, scathing criticisms, or the agonizing silence of no one giving a shit about my insignificant problems....

i feel ready to exlpode ... like i need to change everything in my life, good and bad, all at once! i know that's not the answer, but i would like to at least be strong enough to pull it off if i decided to do it ... right now i don't think i could ...

derek-in-a-nutshell - emphasis on the "nut"