spooky520

been kind of luking in the background of everything on here lately.....after reading a freinds blog it kind of hit me how lonely and depressed i am. been layed up in this house for a year now, helping my mom at first with her medical problems, then dad when he was diagnosed with cancer also. now with my back gone out and two back surgeries within 5 months im just plain tired of all the shit in my life. angry, depressed and just plain done.......i want to leave soooooo bad and didnt realize how much till a few moments ago. when you are stuck somewhere and i do mean stuck.....you make plans that in reality you know will never happen but you hope they will anyway. realize how many friends you really have. all the phone calls and visits just fade away to nothing......not one. you join groups on the computer to seek some kind of companionship and things start out fine but again..........same old thing.

went to the pain doctor today....."whats you pain level today on a rating of 1-10 ten being the highest..." like normal when im up and moving around......between 6-7 and before you ask....yes i took my meds today. (go through other small talk about me getting back to the doctor who did the surgeries and talk to him about what else to do.....all he can do is keep prescibing me the pain meds and maybe restart the spinal injections again. we talk and he asks me how i sleep which i tell him shitty....3 hours a night if im lucky and thats with waking up all the time....well guess what one more prescription to add to the two i normally get......delotud, vicadin and now ambien cr.......which when i drop my prescriptions off they inform me that the insurance companies are only allowing 15 ambien pills for a 30 day period as they are affraid that people will get addicted to them. as i politley tell the little girl behind the counter....thats fine but kind of strange....the insurance company has no problem giving my 90 delodud (still cant spell that work withoug looking at the bottle) and my hydprocodn or vicadin (10mg) 90 at a time.....every month.....guess thats ok and wont get me addicted. hell i only take 3 of each a day for pain......just doesnt make sense to me.

just gotta love doctors.....qustionair the gave me today.....two weeks after surgery.....

hows your appitite.....shitty
how are you bowls moving.....shitty ....no appitite
how is you sex life...better/worse.......how about non exsistant since i cant drive anywhere and have no friends so unless you are talling about me and my hand....well then thats a differnet story.....thinking of asking it to marry me.....seems like it the only thing that will have me right now.


you know i look over all this shit that is my life......my mom going to be gone anyday now from her cancer, dad who is strong but feeling bad more and more all the time and a kid who turns 18 in a month and thinks he knows everything......i just wonder how much more a person can take. they say god only gives you what he knows you can carry......well with a bad back here....homie is about ready to drop every thing and just leave.....homie is really, really tired.....physically, emotionally and spirittully.......im done!