spazzing

gosh darn it. why is it that i had a crazy crush on a friend of mine for years, he was super awesome and ridiculously sexy and then i ruined it all. he was into me as well and we finally hooked up over thanksgiving. it was fucking awesome. then he had to go back home and in the meantime we chatted back and forth and i continued with my tour of other boys. he used to be all about the single life and wasn't interested in getting into a relationship with anyone but over new years he confessed that he would be so down to be my boyfriend even with the long distance between us and shit. had he told me this around thanksgiving i would have jumped for joy and been all over that as it was just what i had wanted. unfortunately, sometime between the two holidays i lost all interest all the intense lusty feelings are gone. i've made out with him since then but it just wasn't the same. i just don't like the way he goes at it but he's the only guy who seems to be into me and the only thing to have fun with during our jolly drunkin parties.......but even after getting drunk the other night, i still didn't really enjoy kissing him......
i feel really bad. i really don't want to hurt him by letting him know that i'm just not into him anymore but, i can't have him constantly telling me how badly he wants me all the time either.....
poo poo