somebroad

Hmm, sounds like you need some great money making ideas. That or a higher paying job. Sigh... I know where you're coming from. Everyone can save money, it's simple, but those damn pesky bills and unexpected expenses take big bites out of the daily toiling in the salt mine. Also, it takes takes too damn long to get a good roll of dough going. And if you want to just *gasp* spend money on yourself, forget about it (that's what credit cards are for!) Going into debt a problem? Mortgage the house. Gone bankrupt? I hear there are some nice cardboard boxes for let under the freeway bridges... Ok, back to reality here. So they say patience is a virtue, but then how the hell are you supposed to live, especially if you try and live every day as if it were your last. Since there's no such thing a money tree, maybe you could invest in producing some sort of "cash crop". Personally, I'd opt for being a hemp farmer. Yeah, I know it's illegal, but it's just so versatile and easily grown. It really could pay off in the future, but fuck if it isn't illegal. As long as you're willing to play the odds though, I guess you might as well go for broke... You could be like Nancy Botwin and be the next pot queen of suburbia (just try to avoid getting into bed with the DEA). Me, I don't think I could hack it, the whole dealer to jail bitch thing creeps me out. Scratch that, maybe you could write a book. Some people actually have made some money this way, but most don't. To win the Pulitzer, you'll have to come up with something new and original. Something you know your audience will love and come back, begging for more. The thing is you've got to know what people really want. Take money, everyone wants more then they've got, especially if they need it, and direly when they owe it (or Guido is gonna take out your kneecaps). Oh right, back to money and books (maybe you could be a bookie, you know, keep the ledger straight, hide the illicit accounting, and skim a little cash for yourself - everybody wins!) Oh, right. Jail, kneecaps or even worse, paper cuts! Ok, now I'm stuck on books and money (thanks). Hmm. I know. You could write a book on how to make money! I can see it now: *wavy flash back-forward effect*

Your Money Or Your Kneecaps: The Down and Out Guide To Making Cash And Keeping The Loan Sharks Away

By: Some Broad (Forward Written By Funny Guy, Steve Martin)

Chapter 1. Write a book about how to make money...

Chapter 2. Write a book about how you got rich by writing a book about how to make money.

Chapter 3. There, you're rich, who the hell gives a crap about what's in the rest of this book?

Chapter 4. A scintillating and steamy essay on compounded interest, mutual investment accounts, money markets, bond trading, and panda bears.

Chapter 5. Screw Chapter 5, just make sure that the book is always checked out from the local library.

Chapter 6. Insert very gratuitous picture of Gary Shandling eating a ham sandwich and a danish.

(I keep imagining his creepy head weaving back and forth here, weird).

Chapter 7. Peccadillos and Vices, The Question To All Of Life's Answers

And so on and so forth... Wow, this has become a dissertation on I'm not sure what. Holy hell, it's late! I've got to get to sleep. Take care and try to keep smiling. Bye for now.