snow

I think today I might cry. When you cry practically everyday for all of your life.....and then for about a week you don't......it feels strange. Maybe this is a good thing. To not have to cry. I don't really have a particular reason for doing it, it just happens. Sometimes I just feel so fucking alone. There might be 10 people in the room, but I am still lonely. Then at night when I am truly all by myself, I don't feel this way at all. Bleh. The line between what is real and what is not, disappears. You cannot distinguish your dreams from what you did this morning. Conversations with people really didn't exist, or did they. Time slows down. You are being swallowed. You hear voices in the dark.

I think tonight I will stay home and read. And write. Maybe even go rent some movies. Dress up, put on a face, wear hot panties. All for myself. Do you want to join me?

"We need eachother. We do not know, at times, which one is the child, which one the mother; which one the sister, which one the older wiser friend; which one the dependent, which one protective. We maintain a maddening oscillation, and we do not know want we want of each other." AnaisNin