Got hit on by a pretty woman, wussed out. Engaged only a bit when all signs pointed to a green light. Seriously, I need to work on my apprehension towards the opposite sex. I'm not sure where it comes from entirely and why. I can deal just fine in encounters and experiences that are strictly platonic, but it seems that when the possibility of romance and whatnot rears it's head I fumble, fail, and sometimes outright bolt.
But why? That's the big question.
I'm leaning towards the thought that it's a function of my anxiety, and more specifically how it relates to the unknown. New people and the encounters that come with them leads to uncomfortable feelings in me, to uncertainty, and to the worry and nervousness that comes from all that; an all encompassing feeling of inadequacy. Now throw intimacy into that mix and all those mushy grey feelings are turned up by a factor of ten. This creates avoidant behavior in me, so I don't put myself out there as I should. I fully understand these base emotions are normal and healthy in slight amounts, but not at the levels I experience them.
The more I can come to understand this in the moment, instead of after the fact, the more I should be able to combat it. To just breathe, relax, and turn down all those emotions to tolerable and manageable levels. Situations such as these don't occur often, but perhaps the next time I will be able to manage. And if not there will always be a next time again.
But why? That's the big question.
I'm leaning towards the thought that it's a function of my anxiety, and more specifically how it relates to the unknown. New people and the encounters that come with them leads to uncomfortable feelings in me, to uncertainty, and to the worry and nervousness that comes from all that; an all encompassing feeling of inadequacy. Now throw intimacy into that mix and all those mushy grey feelings are turned up by a factor of ten. This creates avoidant behavior in me, so I don't put myself out there as I should. I fully understand these base emotions are normal and healthy in slight amounts, but not at the levels I experience them.
The more I can come to understand this in the moment, instead of after the fact, the more I should be able to combat it. To just breathe, relax, and turn down all those emotions to tolerable and manageable levels. Situations such as these don't occur often, but perhaps the next time I will be able to manage. And if not there will always be a next time again.
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coyotemike:
I'm really leaning towards there. I went through the "what's going on" list, and there were like 10 writer things happening JUST THIS MONTH!!
coyotemike:
I LOVED when Crazy Religious Guy would come to campus here and shout from the fountain. All the gay couples would go make-out in front of him. It was hilarious to watch.