So I did it. It took eight and a half months. It took a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to get here but I did it. I finally lost 100 pounds. I'm not thin by any means. Not nearly. I definitely still qualify as a fatty-fat-fat. But I'm a lot more healthy. Probably the most fit I've ever been in my entire life as well.
Am I done? No, not nearly. Ideally I want to shed another 40 pounds at least. I need to. I still have a definite spare tire and it causes me a lot of distress. I tend to look in the mirror and not see what I've lost, but what I still have to lose. I know that's a mental issue, but all I can do is work on it and try and look at the positives and not the negatives.
Mentally I've changed a lot this year as well. I've been working on a lot of my issues and getting my head on straight. I think I'm doing well, but I still have a lot of backslides in terms of my own self-confidence. It's like my subconscious is two little fellas sitting on my shoulder. The angel and devil if you will. The angel is calm and collected, whispering to me lots of positive things; you can do it, people like you, you're a valuable person, etc. Normally he's the vocal majority. But when I'm feeling sad or lonely the devil starts to get loud. He's the one who tells me I'm a piece of shit and that people are my friends for negative reasons all while firing up a highlight reel of all my worst moments back to back. And when he's the loud one I often can't hear the angel, so I believe him instead. Of course this is all an analogy and not literal, but I can't think of a better way to explain it.
Listening to the negativity is something I'm trying to learn not to do, but it's difficult for me sometimes. I say stupid shit or do stupid shit that I look back and regret, often only moments later. I know I'm not in my right mind when I'm acting a fool, I just need snapped out of it. Often I can't do it myself. Luckily I have wonderful people to help me out when I kind of need a slap in the face. I hope soon I can learn to do it myself.
Thanks for the support, patience, and love. Especially from you, baby. You know who you are.
Am I done? No, not nearly. Ideally I want to shed another 40 pounds at least. I need to. I still have a definite spare tire and it causes me a lot of distress. I tend to look in the mirror and not see what I've lost, but what I still have to lose. I know that's a mental issue, but all I can do is work on it and try and look at the positives and not the negatives.
Mentally I've changed a lot this year as well. I've been working on a lot of my issues and getting my head on straight. I think I'm doing well, but I still have a lot of backslides in terms of my own self-confidence. It's like my subconscious is two little fellas sitting on my shoulder. The angel and devil if you will. The angel is calm and collected, whispering to me lots of positive things; you can do it, people like you, you're a valuable person, etc. Normally he's the vocal majority. But when I'm feeling sad or lonely the devil starts to get loud. He's the one who tells me I'm a piece of shit and that people are my friends for negative reasons all while firing up a highlight reel of all my worst moments back to back. And when he's the loud one I often can't hear the angel, so I believe him instead. Of course this is all an analogy and not literal, but I can't think of a better way to explain it.
Listening to the negativity is something I'm trying to learn not to do, but it's difficult for me sometimes. I say stupid shit or do stupid shit that I look back and regret, often only moments later. I know I'm not in my right mind when I'm acting a fool, I just need snapped out of it. Often I can't do it myself. Luckily I have wonderful people to help me out when I kind of need a slap in the face. I hope soon I can learn to do it myself.
Thanks for the support, patience, and love. Especially from you, baby. You know who you are.
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Also, those voices, yeah, they make meds for that.