snakeplissken

I turn 31 on Thursday. I don't mind so much turning another year older. I will admit I feel like I've wasted a lot of my life to date. Wasted on indecisiveness and internal conflict when I should have gone for the gusto and grabbed for the proverbial golden ring that is the things I want in life. I should have been more cock and balls and less milquetoast. For that I'm sorry, but all I can do is change for the future. Some things from the past I would change, some I wouldn't. Either way I don't have regret for much about what happened then, for it has lead me to now. And now seems to be really coming together. I don't have everything I want, but I can see it looming on the horizon. I want to run to it, but I know I've got to pace myself and hope it's just not all a mirage. I can't trip and fall anymore.

Move with caution and think things through, Jason, and don't let your old way of mind sabotage your new one.

I continue to lose weight fairly steadily. I started weight training a few weeks back. It seems to be working quite well. I'm finally getting my chest, arms, and traps back into shape. Those areas I can do something with. I know I'll never be able to have a decent midsection, so I'm simply compensating as well as I can. The frustrating thing is that it shows up as weight gain when I hit the scales, so I feel like I'm plateauing even though I'm down another couple belt sizes in the last month. I've got to not fixate on the numbers so much and not get down on myself when they don't budge. It's hard not to.

I went a little crazy today and bought myself a few presents for Thursday, putting my saving attempts on hold. I found two shirts marked down from 38 to 15 bucks at Freddies. And they fit. Clothes from a normal store fit. Wow. So I bought them. I also decided to get some new reading material and picked up issue 1 of both The Walking Dead and Preacher. I needed something to read during work downtime. That's my excuse anyway.