sleazy_e

Random Thoughts From The Past:

A new year is upon us. Well, sort of. It's not quite here yet, so I guess there's is still time for something to wipe out all of man(and woman) kind, and prevent our calanders from switching to 2009, but I digress.

I am doing a show on New Year's Eve this year, and I wanted to do something EXTRA over the top. I was thinking back to some of the New Year's Eve events that really stood out in my mind for ideas when it occurred to me... very few things stand out.

My earliest NYE memory was when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. I remember my mother and my aunt making a big deal out of letting my brother and I stand outside and bang pots and pans together. Mind you, this kind of Tom-foolery to a child should be as awesome as a hug from Jesus, but all I thought the whole time was, "Why the hell are we doing this?" I had never heard of doing such a thing, and couldn't figure out what the significance was. I had never seen it done before or since. I've heard others mention it a couple times, but nobody ever really seems to know why it's done.

My next memories of NYE are about 15 years later. Two or three years in a row I remember the Flyers playing the 'Nucks in Vancouver on NYE and since they are in a different time zone, I didn't leave the house untl late. Oddly enough, each time, I finished watching the game and hopped a train from Philly to NJ to visit friends. The clock hit midnight just as I was crossing the bridge, and there were fireworks going off all around the train.

A big step up from pots and pans, eh?

The next memory is probably my favorite. I went with a girl I was dating at the time to the casinos in Atlantic City to see Brian Setzer and his orchestra on NYE. AMAZING SHOW! I remember every minute of the evening. Even the clothes that we wore. In fact, it's probably one of my all time favorite memories. It was a damn good time. If you ever get the chance to go to see a show at a casino on NYE... DO IT!!!

My last NYE memory is the year of the big Y2K scare. Unfortunately, that isn't what made it memorable. The girl that I went to the Brian Setzer show with years before is a girl that I spent 7 years with. the 1999/2000 NYE was our last one together, and that's how I always remember it. Granted, we didn't part on bad terms. Infact, we're still good friends and talk quite often. We met and started dating when I was only 19 (she was 17) Seven years later we had grown up quite a bit and realized that we just weren't the same people any more. We wanted different things and felt it was time to go our seperate ways, but despite the fact that things ended in a civil way and we are still friends, that doesn't change the fact that something that was a part of my life for so long was changing. Kind of sad, I guess.

All of that being said, my NYE memories consist of banging pots and pans, hockey and fireworks, Brian Setzer, and ending a 7 year relationship.

How the hell do I make a comedy show out of that???

I asked a few friends what some of their NYE memories were. While doing my research I discovered something. I know quite a few people who have kids that were born in September. Random? No, this is going somewhere. September is the most common month for babies being born.

Why?

Because we all go out and get loaded on NYE and bump uglies with somebody. Nine months later is September, and they poop out the kid.

I'm terrified of having kids. I'm pretty sure I'd be an awful parent, and the only way I know I can avoid that is to not have kids until I know for a fact that I'm with a girl that will be such an awesome mom it will make up for what a crappy dad I would be. Let's face it, I forget to eat atleast two days a week. What chance would my offspring stand without a damn good mother???

At every show we always give out FREE VIBRATORS to the women. I think this year I'll be giving out condoms to go with it, and if I end up meeting a girl and bringing her home with me...

it's gonna be a night of strictly oral sex.