skryche

Went to an open call for Gin & Tonic: The Story of Monty Python's Graham Chapman. A friend had sent me an email, alerting me to it.

9:00 Dressed in my crushed velvet suit (email: "Costumes are encouraged"), I get in line. My immediate line surroundings:

• Man in suit and bowler hat
• French woman with air of professionalism
• Me
• Terry Gilliam lookalike
• College Yahoo Comedic Troupe Triplet(one in a jester's outfit)

9:15 James, a member of my audition group gets in line ten places behind me. His (authentic) accent is stronger than most Brits'. My neighbors and I watch as, across the street, a lunatic raves, undresses, and dresses again. We joke that he should audition.

9:30 A man with a videocamera (staff, not some tourist) walks by to tape all the costumed fools. I begin to suspect that this film has actually already been cast and this entire event is for DVD footage. The costumes are pretty good: there's a Knight, a number of men dressed as buxom women, a man in a tuxedo with very long arms, and (hilariously) a Legolas. A light rain begins and soon ends.

9:45 The camera comes back, this time hesitating for a moment on me. I ham it up, pretending to find the camera's gaze terrifying. I finally open and close my umbrella a few times to scare it away. Where have I seen that done before? (Oh yeah.) TG analogue says: "awesome".

10:00 Terry Gilliam is escorted to the front of the line by the cameraman, who looks suspiciously similar to him. French lady does French crosswords. About twenty Players Run cars drive past.

10:15 I try to find Zach, the guy who alerted me to this audition, but it looks like he's already gone inside. By the time I refind my place in line, I discover it has moved around the corner, off of 42st. One street block to go.

10:30 Tourists are out in force, and we seem to be on a major thoroughfare for buses. So we get a lot of waving, and a lot of "what are y'all in line for?", to which we can only answer "lunch", or "the crapper." Yeah, we're pretty hilarious. Zach walks past me, his audition finished. He tells me he got here at 4AM.

11:00 A staff member comes by in a SPAM t-shirt to take people to the lavatory. Some of us volunteer for catheterization.

11:30 I see the cameraman coming back. I suggest to yahoo comedy troupe: "I bet if one of you started strangling the other, you'd get filmed." They do, and are. The third members screams, "Stop! Stop! Love one another!"

12:30 Two men, one painted red with a dead pheasant on his neck and a rolodex hanging from a rope, walk by. The unpainted: "Does anybody have a digital camera? Anyone?" He wants me to email him a picture of the red man. I promise to do so.

12:45 We're getting near the door! A man with a jacket over his head is nearby, trying to impress the staff with his Eric Idle "old biddy" routine. He begs to be auditioned, as he has to go to work soon. The person behind me in line lets him (with the approval of staff) cut in front of me. Which I wouldn't mind, except that he won't knock the horrible old lady voice off. And he keeps talking. He tries to start a sing-along of "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" (it was inevitable, really) but nobody joins in.

12:50 Old-Lady-Man leaves when he realizes that he still won't be able to both make the audition and get to work. Yes!

1:00 We're getting tired. Tourist: "So, what are you in line for?" The zaniest of my neighbors: "Uh, yeah, it's for this Monty Python Movie."

1:15 At the threshhold of the theater, the french woman leaves after wishing us "good luck".

1:45 I'm in the downstairs waiting room! With chairs! And an insulting french knight! I'm given a ticket that reads "101": I'm going to be the 101st actor they'll see today. I hand in my resume and crappy headshot. I have no monologue prepared, so I pick up their "Eric Idle" side. It's a bit from the "restaurant sketch" you know, with the dirty fork.

2:00 I audition in a little room with two people and a camera. I read my side, then they have me improvise as though I'm Princess Di talking to Elton John. I'm not the best improvisor, but I acted out some suspicions that Charles might be gay. Oh god, I just realized that called Elton John "John". Fuck.

I think it went pretty well, particularly the reading. The folks behind the desk looked like they enjoyed it, but I'm aware that that means absolutely nothing as far as getting cast. (I'm quite certain I won't be, but I'm glad I went.)