Well, here goes... I guess.
I havent written in a while. Yet there has been a lot going on. Well mentally and emotionally anyways.
My day to day has been rather simple, work, eat, sleep, repeat. When I'm off shift i try to relax, catch up on sleep and make time for friends and summer adventures.
But on the emotional side, I've been well, everywhere. I'm sad. I'm happy. My heart is full. My heart breaks. I feel empty. Lost in my own heart and head. I feel hurt and used. For some of it I fall blame on my anxiety and depression. But the rest, is on me. I need to start taking care of myself again, mentally and physically.
Lately I'm just uncomfortable. I'm comfortable in my own head. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. It's right, its fits wrong, I'm not "me" anymore. I look.8n the mirror and don't see the woman that I wasn't to. The woman that I know is in there somewhere! I hear her, screaming to be let out while she fights drowning in the black and silver river of my demons. I watched her turn down the wrong path, let her hurt and feel the fear that came with a broken heart. Trying to call, but she didnt hear while I tried to coax her back.
Sometimes a woman does need saving, but not by a prince in shining armor. By herself. I need to find my happy and fight to get back to it.
I feel like its time to fix this. I feel like I am ready to face my demons and fight them head on. Befriend the ones that will keep me level and help me grow stronger.
My heart is shattered, and my soul feels broken. I'm tired of it. Time to find the threat and stitch myself back together. How i see fit. Stronger than before. My walls will be thicker, a labyrinth for those who only truely care will find the way through... its better this way.
I let you into my wonderland, so carefully cared for and balanced.l, and you broke it. I won't let it happen again.
Right now I am broken. But you watch, you watch for the warrior that will come from this. She will be strong and sturdy. She will go for what she wants and needs.
She will be the best version of myself yet.
