i apologize for being such a manky loser this past week. i caught some sort of cold from the god-damned parrot.
i've been having some livejournal -inspired thoughts. i've been using it for years. and suddenly i think it's using me?
i need to figure out what i want to use my journal for.
it was almost simpler before, when i first started as a sophomore in college, and i didn't have a camera, and i didn't have 200-odd lovely people on my friends list. all i was: stream of consciousness daily wordplays and odes to Wham!, combined with the occasional Seinfeldian rant. ('What is the deal with Rock, Paper, Scissors??"...)
then i fell in love with the camera. i fell into it, into the round black disk. i agree with Barthes. The click (the noise, which has gotten ten times as fun with the advent of the new camera--which erupts in peals of bells when turned on) is fascinating. opening and closing. captured. in a way, though, i feel like my journal became Siv obscura.
and i've been through three moves and one diploma and several, many boys and one good man (with whom i'm not through quite yet! ;P) and three states and various stages of emotional and physical nudity and endless haircuts and dyes and i've put the livejournal friends list through looking at all of them
and i thankthem, for that.
i'm starting to feel like i'm going at livejournal from the wrong angle. do any of you ever feel like--as good of a place for feedback as the internet is, of course-- lj (or other blog-boards) somehow blocks motivation? i read the interview with Neil Gaiman, in which he said that sometimes when he blogs he feels like it "counts" for his daily writing.
i feel that for a while, lj was "counting" for maybe too much; for my Stuart Smalley daily affirmation ("...And gosh darn it, PEOPLE LIKE ME!!"), for my lackluster attempts at prose, at humor, at art, and at relationships. in the way that i didn't bother to plan for a future outside of it. in a way that i still don't know what i want to do with my arty crap, really.
the breaks sort of haven't been working. occasionally i leave and spend time staring vacuously at communities like the_exalted, rooting half-heartedly for certain folk and inwardly disliking some of the petty authority wankers who tromp around in ego-helium boots. it's like putting off writing your thesis to watch Maury Povich.
i've been having some livejournal -inspired thoughts. i've been using it for years. and suddenly i think it's using me?
i need to figure out what i want to use my journal for.
it was almost simpler before, when i first started as a sophomore in college, and i didn't have a camera, and i didn't have 200-odd lovely people on my friends list. all i was: stream of consciousness daily wordplays and odes to Wham!, combined with the occasional Seinfeldian rant. ('What is the deal with Rock, Paper, Scissors??"...)
then i fell in love with the camera. i fell into it, into the round black disk. i agree with Barthes. The click (the noise, which has gotten ten times as fun with the advent of the new camera--which erupts in peals of bells when turned on) is fascinating. opening and closing. captured. in a way, though, i feel like my journal became Siv obscura.
and i've been through three moves and one diploma and several, many boys and one good man (with whom i'm not through quite yet! ;P) and three states and various stages of emotional and physical nudity and endless haircuts and dyes and i've put the livejournal friends list through looking at all of them
and i thankthem, for that.
i'm starting to feel like i'm going at livejournal from the wrong angle. do any of you ever feel like--as good of a place for feedback as the internet is, of course-- lj (or other blog-boards) somehow blocks motivation? i read the interview with Neil Gaiman, in which he said that sometimes when he blogs he feels like it "counts" for his daily writing.
i feel that for a while, lj was "counting" for maybe too much; for my Stuart Smalley daily affirmation ("...And gosh darn it, PEOPLE LIKE ME!!"), for my lackluster attempts at prose, at humor, at art, and at relationships. in the way that i didn't bother to plan for a future outside of it. in a way that i still don't know what i want to do with my arty crap, really.
the breaks sort of haven't been working. occasionally i leave and spend time staring vacuously at communities like the_exalted, rooting half-heartedly for certain folk and inwardly disliking some of the petty authority wankers who tromp around in ego-helium boots. it's like putting off writing your thesis to watch Maury Povich.
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HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1