So, what I thought would happen, did.
I wrote Ryan an email last night because I couldn't sleep. My friends have been noticing that something was "wrong," that I had something on my mind. I knew it was inevitable.
Here's what I wrote:
How are you?
I'm writing mostly because I can't sleep. I have a lot going on in my mind
and it mostly has to do with this relationship thing that you and I have
going on. I've been thinking a lot lately about how we seem not to be
communicating. I feel like we voiced our feelings better when I was in
Florida. It's sad, really, because my feelings I have for you are very
real and I don't know how to deal with what feels like distance between us.
I don't feel like you communicate your feelings to me. I often wonder how
you feel about me and "us." I have this feeling that you aren't interested
in me like you were before. It makes me a bit nervous and, quit frankly,
has been affecting my mood. My friends have noticed it in the last week or
so, and it's really nothing they can help me with. I simply state that
it's something that I need to work out on my own. I never give specifics
because there isn't one specific thing. Technically, we aren't together.
We haven't seemed to establish anything other than we're "pretty much
dating." I know things take time, but this is a bit of a slower pace than
what I'm used to, so I feel like I just need somewhat of a reassurance that
we're on the same page, or at least same chapter... hell, even the same
book.
*sigh*
I hope you don't take this badly. I always fear that I might say or do the
wrong thing that will turn you off, and push you away when all I really
want to do is establish better communication.
I'm on the verge of the L-word. I've been on it for quite some time, but I
hold back because I don't want to put myself too much out there and have
you reject it. I have never been the one to put forth effort first, put
myself out there before knowing that it will be reciprocated, so I'll just
leave it at that, I guess. I think very highly of you. I want nothing but
the best for you. I want you to be in my life in one form or another
because I have nothing but the utmost respect and gratitude in knowing you.
I feel like you make me strive to be better, do better, live better.
Hope you're sleeping well.
Besos!
Aimee
And his response:
Dearest Amy,<--- First of all, he spelled my name wrong. Maybe that was a strong indicator...
I believe what you have written is very sincere and from the heart. I
empathize with your feelings, its difficult to pour yourself into a
relationship when one seemingly contributes more than the other. I must
confess I am moving slower with my feelings than I once proclaimed I would.
I also admit that feelings are not as intense or as strong as they once
were. "Why" Do you ask? Well, I think Its a manifestation of me being
overprecautious and reserved mixed with hesitation because inside my heart,
I feel I do not harbour the passion that makes a loving relationship. I
just dont feel it. I know that I have felt it in the past, maybe 2-3 times
in my life. And I thought by taking my time, it would come about
naturally... it had to... I wanted it to. Yet my desire for this intense
chemistry has not come. And it could be me, or the both of us. But
something you and I can both attest to is, something so special and
neccessary can be neither conjured, fabricated or forced. It simple must
"be". I feel guilty for not bringing this forward sooner. In support of my
decision to withold this, I thought our feelings would strengthen over time.
In support of you (how much time you gonna need mr. Ryan?????). The
answer is too much time. Its not the right time. To be respectful of what
we have, I must ask that we discontinue our relationship as lovers, as
dating. Its not right of me to make you wait. I am not being fair to
myself entering into a relationship for which I cannot deliver.
I would prefer to discuss this further with you in person. I will call you
after work today.
Ryan
I'm hurt but it's not like I wasn't expecting it. I cried a bit, but life will go on. I hope him and I can still be friends, in fact I'm certain of it, but I don't know how long it will take to get back to that.
I wish my mom would get the dryer fixed already because I need at least a load washed before work. Looks like I might have to go to a laundry mat.
Anywho, thanks for the concern! I thought I was coming down with the flu yesterday at work, but I think I kicked it's ass. I'm feeling fine today!
Besos!
Aimee
I wrote Ryan an email last night because I couldn't sleep. My friends have been noticing that something was "wrong," that I had something on my mind. I knew it was inevitable.
Here's what I wrote:
How are you?
I'm writing mostly because I can't sleep. I have a lot going on in my mind
and it mostly has to do with this relationship thing that you and I have
going on. I've been thinking a lot lately about how we seem not to be
communicating. I feel like we voiced our feelings better when I was in
Florida. It's sad, really, because my feelings I have for you are very
real and I don't know how to deal with what feels like distance between us.
I don't feel like you communicate your feelings to me. I often wonder how
you feel about me and "us." I have this feeling that you aren't interested
in me like you were before. It makes me a bit nervous and, quit frankly,
has been affecting my mood. My friends have noticed it in the last week or
so, and it's really nothing they can help me with. I simply state that
it's something that I need to work out on my own. I never give specifics
because there isn't one specific thing. Technically, we aren't together.
We haven't seemed to establish anything other than we're "pretty much
dating." I know things take time, but this is a bit of a slower pace than
what I'm used to, so I feel like I just need somewhat of a reassurance that
we're on the same page, or at least same chapter... hell, even the same
book.
*sigh*
I hope you don't take this badly. I always fear that I might say or do the
wrong thing that will turn you off, and push you away when all I really
want to do is establish better communication.
I'm on the verge of the L-word. I've been on it for quite some time, but I
hold back because I don't want to put myself too much out there and have
you reject it. I have never been the one to put forth effort first, put
myself out there before knowing that it will be reciprocated, so I'll just
leave it at that, I guess. I think very highly of you. I want nothing but
the best for you. I want you to be in my life in one form or another
because I have nothing but the utmost respect and gratitude in knowing you.
I feel like you make me strive to be better, do better, live better.
Hope you're sleeping well.
Besos!
Aimee
And his response:
Dearest Amy,<--- First of all, he spelled my name wrong. Maybe that was a strong indicator...
I believe what you have written is very sincere and from the heart. I
empathize with your feelings, its difficult to pour yourself into a
relationship when one seemingly contributes more than the other. I must
confess I am moving slower with my feelings than I once proclaimed I would.
I also admit that feelings are not as intense or as strong as they once
were. "Why" Do you ask? Well, I think Its a manifestation of me being
overprecautious and reserved mixed with hesitation because inside my heart,
I feel I do not harbour the passion that makes a loving relationship. I
just dont feel it. I know that I have felt it in the past, maybe 2-3 times
in my life. And I thought by taking my time, it would come about
naturally... it had to... I wanted it to. Yet my desire for this intense
chemistry has not come. And it could be me, or the both of us. But
something you and I can both attest to is, something so special and
neccessary can be neither conjured, fabricated or forced. It simple must
"be". I feel guilty for not bringing this forward sooner. In support of my
decision to withold this, I thought our feelings would strengthen over time.
In support of you (how much time you gonna need mr. Ryan?????). The
answer is too much time. Its not the right time. To be respectful of what
we have, I must ask that we discontinue our relationship as lovers, as
dating. Its not right of me to make you wait. I am not being fair to
myself entering into a relationship for which I cannot deliver.
I would prefer to discuss this further with you in person. I will call you
after work today.
Ryan
I'm hurt but it's not like I wasn't expecting it. I cried a bit, but life will go on. I hope him and I can still be friends, in fact I'm certain of it, but I don't know how long it will take to get back to that.
I wish my mom would get the dryer fixed already because I need at least a load washed before work. Looks like I might have to go to a laundry mat.
Anywho, thanks for the concern! I thought I was coming down with the flu yesterday at work, but I think I kicked it's ass. I'm feeling fine today!
Besos!
Aimee
