Hello. I trust you are all well currently or at least as good as can be expected? I hope so. Well, here we are again and I'm in the mood to rant before I disappear for most of the day and evening. What will I talk about today? Your guess is as good as anyone else's guess. Hell I'm not even always sure myself.
Far too many people I care about are currently in very self destructive or depressed modes as of late and I wish there were more I could do to help but I apparently cannot. I've spoken to people about their issues and offered help and that is really all you can do I suppose however, once I talk to them about myself being supportive of their problems or having gone through similar or same instances myself, that's the end of it. Almost always. No one really ever talks about their actual problems and I feel like they guard those problems or issues from almost everyone as they see their perceived "inadequacies" as a vulnerability and I suppose there's some truth to that with a few select monsters in the world that could use those issues against you. However, I will always tell the people that I care about and that know me all of my issues. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I don't really care about how many times someone sees the real me. I don't wear a mask of civility. I'm the same version of me 24/7 and if something affects me negatively, yes people will hear about it. I don't like to wear a "mask" for most of the time and only expose the real me when deemed "necessary" because I think faking it until you're in someone's good graces is just a fraction less deceptive than straight up lying. Be yourself or suffer the consequences I suppose. Either way, once I think I've seen another version of you that isn't the one you represent yourself as a majority of the time, I know at that point that you've been lying about what or who you really are.
I don't understand the need to keep things inside. Sure, secrets exist and there are reasons you don't tell anyone about those things you're told out of confidence or trust and that is all well and good. I'm talking about why do people hold onto emotional baggage that isn't trauma (which takes forever to accept and get over, I do understand that.) or an emotion that bottled up helps people fuel their forward momentum. I know it's bad to keep anger bottled up inside but sometimes, keeping it for just a little while helps a person go a long way. A little anger and I'm on a super fast tear until I achieve the goal I set out for myself. Outside of the trauma and the little amounts of anger, why hold onto any other negative emotions?? It feels super redundant and it's poisoning you from the inside of your own minds. Let it go. It's like a load of bricks. If you're carrying a load of bricks around with you for no reason and struggling to move forward, put the bricks down. Nobody told you that you needed to carry them so put them down and move forward, right? Those bricks could be misplaced guilt, anger, sadness, feelings of inadequacy and other emotions that hinder us. Just drop them immediately and move on. If it isn't possible, I understand that too and to that I say then you'll have to shuffle along at half speed until the time is right to ditch the "bricks" and begin moving full force again. I feel like people aren't going to agree or dislike this blog post but oh well, I can't make everyone happy all the time. No one can. It's impossible to even come close to making everyone happy all the time.
Musically speaking, I feel like I might become a "monk" in the sense of whom I work with. I might just sequester myself to my own studio day in and out and only work with one person outside of myself. I'm getting tired of competing attitudes with some of the people I work with and they just don't seem to care about music more than they do their silly little spats for dominance and it's laughable if it weren't so fucking frustrating having to work with them. So, I will remove them from my orbit like a cancerous tumor needing to be cut out of my flesh so I can flourish again. I have no qualms with leaving someone unwilling to create in the proverbial dust. No time to be creative? Then please leave my studio asap. Thank you. So I'll be doing a lot of solo work for a while in the future I feel. It's about that time anyway.
I lift myself out of the miasma that has surrounded me in this very aggressive and tangible way. The corrupted minds of certain individuals have spewed forth enough of this toxic mess that I've choked on their indecency and disgusting ideologies long enough. They are removed from my experience on this plane of existence and I will never return to watch them belch forth more unwanted and disgusting rhetoric. I push forward to discover new realms of creativity once beyond my reach or even beyond my comprehension. I revel in these new ideas and mantras as I throw them into my mind for further use and consumption. I will do the things I want without the help of anyone or with the help of a million other creative minds. I'm good either way. I'm not religious at all but I do agree that if even my own eye offends me, I will pluck it out. Removal of negative influences is paramount to get anywhere in this world. I may not have everything "figured out" in life, but I have enough of it to escape with my shredded sanity and to be able to sleep soundly every night. Waste not, want not and all that garbage.
Here's to those of you on this site that inspire me to be a better and evolving person. You are all valid, lovely people in my eyes that I talk to on the regular and some of you, not so regularly but still I appreciate you. I don't care about the people out there that don't care for me or my ideas and why would I? Especially those that have proven to be colossal assholes or morons. I'm not "telling tales in class" or anything. It's just there are some real idiots out there and I refuse to hear their incessant and vile yammering for attention. They won't get a modicum of interest or sympathy from me. I've seen their masks and their real visage and I dislike both equally.
I hope everyone has a fantastic day and evening! It is the weekend again and I won't be around much after this point since I'll be out partying the nights away after I work at the studio for the days ahead! Have a great weekend and we shall talk later!! I hope this wasn't a useless or pointless blog. I just thought I'd get it all out of my system before I went about my day.
