sigma

I just had one of the more fun nights of my life...but I'm not sure I could explain why in the least.
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Down and Out in London and Amsterdamn, part 2: It's not part 1 anymore.


In Amsterdamn I wasn't so far off my own time, but flying fuck's up my body big time, so I was a bit gone, if you know what I mean...

...I went to downtown and started my perusal of the coffee shops. At one point I walked straight into one just to take a look around. I walked in and no one was moving - but the place was packed. These two chicks and this guy just gave me a blank stare and I realize that there is no space in here for me, and simultanously, that everyone in here is wrecked out of their minds.

So I walk out into the drizzly day without an umbrella and continue my browsing tour of central Amsterdamn. My impression of the place in general was that is was ugly and depressing but awesomely lacked many motor-vehicles. And I payed particular attention to those communal bikes that I had heard so much about.

I finish walking down a narrow lane of (mostly) coffee shops and turn around and walk back up it (so as not to get lost) and I realized that I'm about the only sad motherfucker around here walking alone. Oh well.

Me all by myself. What's new.?

I get back to the square which is a circle which seems to be the center of the city. I go into the hotel there and take a piss and then reason that I am going to go off in a different direction this time. I do.

I walk down a much larger street with traffic, busses, and resturants until I get to some palace turned Heinekin factory (as I recall) and then I turn and start back in another direction.

I'm walking down a street that is just and empty alley and something tells me to turn left, so I do.

So I'm walking down in the same direction as before (it felt like south) but from a different angle, not really knowing why,
and lo and behold out of the corner of my eye I notice bright red lights and what seem to be manekins.

I move my head to the right just for long enough to register that I hooker is stairing me straight in the eye.

And *bam* I feel Order* and Chaos* clash inside of me. I feel like I've been hit on the inside with a brick wall. She looks freaked out by me, I feel freaked out by her and quickly make my way to the end of the alley and try to figure out what the fuck just happened.

Okay, Jae, you are somehow in the red-light district and those red lights down that alley all represent hookers. What now?

Well, I have no interest in hookers except as a subject of psychological interest - as a rule - but I do find them to be in some ways the most honest form of human life earth. I decide to go back up another alley and make eye contact with a few more hookers just to see what the reaction will be now that I'm prepared for where I am.

*Boom* Each time Order/Chaos clash. She looks at me like 'YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE!!!' and I look at her like 'STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!!' even though she's behind glass. It was freaky. I got the fuck out of there.

I started to feel like Chaos was overwhelming me by the time I got out of there, but my head wasn't getting spinning sufficiently for me to not realize that there was a cathedral in the middle of the red-light district.

'How ironic', I smile to myself, 'These dutch people have to have a hooker right after sunday morning services, damn'.

As I walk past a sex show gallery on my way back to the center of the city my Order bounds freak the hell out and my head starts spinning.

A plane ride is just about as much upset to my internal Order/Chaos balance as I can handle. Being in the midst of legalized prostitution on top of that is enough to send me into a Chaos spiral.

And me, being the brave moron that I am sometimes, goes and buys a joint of super-skunk right after my internal Order has just lost control over the Chaos within me and around me.

Clever, clever, clever.

Ofcource we all know what this lead to: the most humbling moment of my life.

*by Order and Chaos I mean the feeling of being in control of one's-self versus the feeling of being out of control. I don't know if people understood what I meant by this.