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sigma

Israel

Member Since 2004

Followers 16 Following 15

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Friday Feb 20, 2004

Feb 19, 2004
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The truth about Jae:

(Assume you were born poor, and have always been resentful of most the rich. Not for their wealth, but for their attitude.)

Now if you knew, knew without a shadow of a doubt, that some day you would have lots of money then what sort of a life would you live?

How would you choose to behave? How would you choose to dress? How would you act toward those people who have always been rich and, unlike yourself, have no sense of being poor?

I chose to behave like nothing can hurt me. I chose to dress as awefully as possible. I chose to show those rich bastards that I'm better than them in every way that money can't buy.

This is my life. These are my choices. I know my future. I decide my destiny.

I chose to go live in the most fucked up country possible, during a depression. To have no job,to be poor. To not buy anything new (besides food and a few minor computer things) for 4 years. And to go to the school in that country where only the richest kids of the country go - an unceasing fashion show.

To hit rock bottom, elegantly and slowly, but fully. This was my choice. So far none of it has been difficult. (Well, it's been harsh, but it hasn't ever actually hurt me. As least not in any lasting way.) And I have endured.

Now I'm coming to the difficult moment. I must choose the Israeli army, fully aware of how much closer to rock bottom this brings me before I claim my wealth.

If I don't hit rock bottom before then I will end up embittered and unable to truely enjoy the wealth - as so many do. If I hit rock bottom the wealth won't matter, and then I can enjoy it properly.

But knowing that I'm throwing myself into the fire, into the very line of combat, this is the hardest choice that I've ever made. This is rock bottom: Accepting that god probably doesn't care, that you may die, and then going for it.

If I do this then my endless testing of myself may cease, but it is such a hard thing to do. To let go. To finally fully just let go.

This is the truth about me. The truth that I dare not tell those in reality.

Don't forget about my real Blog folks: http://sigma.weblogs.us

The latest two entries are worth a look.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
yummysugah:
lol yeah, charmed is a silly ass show indeed..
its stupidy level makes me laugh everytime i watch it which is usually when i come back from work all moody, so that's a good thing you see.. oink tongue bok
Feb 20, 2004
alhim:
It sounds like you are no stranger to difficulty. God, though indefinable, does care.
Speak, then listen.
You alread know.
Anyway, why do you have to choose the army, are there any other choices?
Feb 20, 2004

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