sicpowered

my prone and curled form, wracked with cough and simple but maddening case of the sniffles.

but i vacuumed

cold, cold, i'm sweating sickness out from under the sheets, not a loving sight to be sure

but i balanced my checkbook

i'm deep in desire, in the bones of my earth, the streaks in my sky, only my own ragged voice to hear it all through

but i did laundry
ate a big dinner
got plenty of rest
took a hot shower
and it only hurts when i cough
and only just a little

~~~~

when is long enough to get her out. i know, inward, lodged near the squishy caramel center of my candy coated shell, she lives there.perfect, as it could have been. how long til i stop saying that to myself, in the dark. at least i can't seem to replace her with anything poor in quality, tried that once. inferior model, couldn't kiss. or did i have the right idea, do i drop it all, flush out the works, the machining of my heart with useless effluvia, crushingly as i go. care not for the little things, the precious. am i that, just to spite my history, to wear a empassioned smile for a minute, then take a cab home, because i'm too drunk to stand, much less drive. no, that didn't seem to work either. sitting "home" underground, hidding from her image, her voice on the wires, the long lost memory of her taste. i guess i'm just that messed up. even a quarter of a world away. i don't need something else to hold onto. what's the good advice now?