My cat, Bamboo, had to be put to sleep Saturday.
I went all day not knowing, I knew Mom was taking him to the vet... but he was only 5, I knew he'd live another 15 years.... I thought he might have a cold, 'cause mom said he was sluggish and she was worried about him.
He had feline lukemia.
She could have brought him home, but she'd have to have locked him in a room by himself as it's contagious. I'm glad she didn't, he lived the way he loved best 'til the end.
I wish I could've said goodbye.
I carried our other cat to the car to go to the vet, 'cause he was black and I have to wear all black for school. I didn't say goodbye to Bamboo that morning, didn't touch him, nothing.
I went to school, Mom didn't call me to tell me... I'm sad, but partially glad... she wanted me to finish school that day. I would've left to come be with him when he died, but she kept me from having to make up that day another day... and there isn't anything I could've done. I went to work afterwards, didn't know. I went to my friend's graduation party.
I got home at 2:30am, went to wake her up and tell her I was home, which I never do. She told me then.
I didn't believe it at first, after a few minutes it clicked and I couldn't stop crying 'til I passed out on the phone with my boyfriend over an hour later.
I loved him so much, this is killing me.
And I had to go to work today, 'cause I need hours and money, and I have to work tomorrow... and then school for the next five days straight. No time to mourn. When Mister died, I took the first day off work and half the second day, and I still cry over Mister. I needed more time with Mister's death than I took... so taking none at all for Bamboo is killing me. I keep having to go hide in a corner, rest my head on something and cry.
And tonight Mom starts a fight with me, and I make a comment about appreciating people while they're here. A little later in the arguement, she tells me how he was purring when he died. I just started bawling, he'd finally calmed down from being terrified at the vet, while she's holding him, starts purring as he's being put to sleep.
I feel like we betrayed him, even though we didn't know. He was so young, I feel like it's our fault when I know it's not, it's just life.
He was my baby...
chaotica:
Aww sweety I'm so sorry to hear about your poor Bamboo. It's awful when their lives are cruelly cut short like that. My dog, Holly had to be put to sleep at the age of 6 at the end of last year. I still miss her terribly, and also feel like I had a part to play in it, even though it was unavoidable. I hope you feel better soon, it will get a little easier eventually when you've had time to grieve. *hugs*