CYBER SEX REJECTION FORM
Dear [insert screen name here] (if that is your real name), I regret to inform you that, under a plan for the periodic removal of unpleasantness from my life, I must terminate our online affair.
Below, you will find the reason(s) for this action:
_____ While our cybersex sessions were, for the most part, competent, your constant use of "brb gotta pee" took some of the romance out of it.
_____ Your use of the term "the ol' cyber ball and chain" to refer to me has hurt my feelings.
_____ I've found another lover, one who knows the importance of punctuation.
_____ Certain errors during cyber sessions indicate that you were less than honest:
_____ You typed: "I remove my bra" when you claimed to be a man.
_____ You typed: "I enter you" when you claimed to be a woman.
_____ You typed your own name at the end.
_____ Your supposedly original scenario, it turns out, is simply page 56 of a Jackie Collins novel.
_____ Your repeated references to animals suggest that you are hiding something from me.
_____ Your refusal to cyber until I submitted a recent AIDS test suggests a degree of paranoia that is, simply put, unhealthy.
______ I finally opened the file with your __ gif __jpg __ police record.
______ I have no choice but to comply with the court orders unless I wish to face stalking charges.
______ I have established a more personal relationship with the Lord, and I would like to talk to you in great detail about what you can do to ensure a place in Heaven when the end of times come. They are closer than you think.
______ The fact that you BCC all your love letters to me leaves me feeling less than special...as in cyber cheating.
______ I finally read your profile, and the fact that you are only 14 violates the terms of my parole.
______ I am entering the witness protection program.
Please understand, _________ [screen name] and/or __ you misbegotten SOB __ sir/madam __ mom/dad, that there is nothing personal in this. We've simply grown apart.
Any additional correspondence you may direct to my attorney,
__ Sincerely,
__ Gleefully,
__ I have to go before the warden calls "lights out,"
__ Uh oh, my Real Life mate is coming up the stairs
__ Good riddance
(alias)
Dear [insert screen name here] (if that is your real name), I regret to inform you that, under a plan for the periodic removal of unpleasantness from my life, I must terminate our online affair.
Below, you will find the reason(s) for this action:
_____ While our cybersex sessions were, for the most part, competent, your constant use of "brb gotta pee" took some of the romance out of it.
_____ Your use of the term "the ol' cyber ball and chain" to refer to me has hurt my feelings.
_____ I've found another lover, one who knows the importance of punctuation.
_____ Certain errors during cyber sessions indicate that you were less than honest:
_____ You typed: "I remove my bra" when you claimed to be a man.
_____ You typed: "I enter you" when you claimed to be a woman.
_____ You typed your own name at the end.
_____ Your supposedly original scenario, it turns out, is simply page 56 of a Jackie Collins novel.
_____ Your repeated references to animals suggest that you are hiding something from me.
_____ Your refusal to cyber until I submitted a recent AIDS test suggests a degree of paranoia that is, simply put, unhealthy.
______ I finally opened the file with your __ gif __jpg __ police record.
______ I have no choice but to comply with the court orders unless I wish to face stalking charges.
______ I have established a more personal relationship with the Lord, and I would like to talk to you in great detail about what you can do to ensure a place in Heaven when the end of times come. They are closer than you think.
______ The fact that you BCC all your love letters to me leaves me feeling less than special...as in cyber cheating.
______ I finally read your profile, and the fact that you are only 14 violates the terms of my parole.
______ I am entering the witness protection program.
Please understand, _________ [screen name] and/or __ you misbegotten SOB __ sir/madam __ mom/dad, that there is nothing personal in this. We've simply grown apart.
Any additional correspondence you may direct to my attorney,
__ Sincerely,
__ Gleefully,
__ I have to go before the warden calls "lights out,"
__ Uh oh, my Real Life mate is coming up the stairs
__ Good riddance
(alias)
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
my emotions DID get the best of me, ugh. trust me one of my best friends was texting me telling me to relax.....it's not the end of the world.
i hate that feeling though in the pit of my stomach, worried that he's just disregarding me. i was pissed last night at first, but then we had a great convo. you know what we didn't talk tonight, but after staying up until 2:30am for me how could i complain? it's okay. it's like the one thing i have, his calls, his i love yous and i guess i feel everything else has been ripped away from me so when i don't get that it feels like the world is coming crashing down around me and nobody really understands me.
i dunno.
truth is, he was awesome last night, we had a great talk, and i need to stop punishing myself.
thanks for being a great friend, as always