let's talk about preferences, expectations and boundaries when it comes to romantic relationships (and I use that term even if it just applies to a one-night stand LOL).
First, preferences. This is the part of your lizard brain that says, "Yeah, I like that and I don't know why." Liking blonde hair, black men, short women, whatever. The point is, we all have these in some way.
Expectations are where you mess things up usually. It's like saying, "I only want a man who has blonde hair, blue eyes, at least 6 feet tall, fit, must own his own house and a boat and make at least 150K a year." Not only are you narrowing down your potential list of partners significantly, but there's a good chance if you meet someone like that they're a right twat, and then where would you be?
And lastly, we have boundaries. Boundaries are completely healthy and normal in a relationship, things such as "I need a partner to have some kind of job where I'm not expected to support them," or "They must love and want to have kids" or "I think it's important that they have a healthy relationship with the women in their life" or "We need to each have our own friends and interests outside of each other".
I can admit that I have been guilty of the expectations one (and also not wanting to establish boundaries in the fear I would push people away; people who are meant to be in your life will respect your boundaries); mainly by saying things like "I only want a geeky tattooed pierced woman" (kinda makes sense why I love this site so much LOL). But I was limiting myself by doing so, and that's not fair because I may have missed out on some amazing women. And yes, I do believe you should have some things in common with your partner, but I basically wanted a female version of me (except you know, attractive).
So there's nothing wrong with preferences (which we can't help) and boundaries (which we should have in place), you only screw up when you have expectations.
