scylla

There is this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I feel as if I have lost some vital part of myself. There's a ghost of my former character still lingering and my inability to recognize it is driving me mad...

This is not brought on by any one event in particular. It is just the accumluation of random bits of mental debris. And the fact that the more and more I talk the less I create. Every word is diluting the formers' significance...

So many opportunities and risks afforded to me right now. But I'm so currently paralyzed by my current options that I can only sit here and not dare to breathe.

I try so hard... I think I'm adoring and admiring but sometimes I come across some communication blockade that I have to reconcile myself to the fact that I'm completely inarticulate.

I haven't felt this unable to say what I mean in years.

God, I feel like I'm suddenly dying inside. What have I lost? If only I could figure it out, maybe I could start reconstruction...

So yes. I'm not all that swell today. Eh.