scylla

First of all, everyone check out TNS_Superstar's awesome tarot card project. I've asked to be the High Priestess. Why? She embodies many of the qualities I constantly seek in myself. Basically, I'm trying to project myself onto someone's avatar in order to absorb some of the same qualtiites. Let's hope it works.

Continuing the calvacade of: 'Scylla -- Always Behind the Cultural Curve' -- I have finally seen Kill Bill, after all of my friends have done the same. I'm still not really sure at all what to tink of it.

In SF now, back in PDX tomorrow. I'm pretty ashamed because I completely shot Saturday to hell by,... uh, not getting more than 5 hours of sleep a night for the past week (and midterms too) and then having the most bizarre, drugfilled, hallucinogenic night in quite a while (ashamed pause - not the most excessive at all!), followed by insane sex, then straight to the airport, after about... erm, about 48 hours of sleeplessness. Whot. Crashing is lame.

As I said while I was contemplating the insanely baroque patterns of the ceiling the other night, I have realized that I am someone who is quite proud of her exesses, for the most part. I'm not sure if it is so much that any adventuresomeness is directly correlated to anthing else, but... I think that I define myself in large part by my adventures, in general. I'm not sureif this is a good or bad characteristic. Honestly, I realize that I do not know myself very well. But fuck, I'm young. I haven't realized many things., Now is not, I suppose, the time for these things to be dissected.

To return to a subject I've touched upon before. I find that I am always defined in... almost ways that I feel are caricature-like. I'm always this insane, sexed up, cute hilarious Asian girl, filled with TMI and bizarre cultural tangents. It is hard to really complain about this, I suppose -- to articulate what I feel in a way that doesn't make me seem like an ungrateful fucker. But I feel, a lot of the time, that I get rejected because I'm -- I'm not subtle enough? I can never explain what moves to be be completely quiet, or to move into absurdist moments. I become increasily self-conscious that I 'm not projecting anything socially acceptable. And I know that, for the most part, myphilosophy is 'Fuck them' -- and yet sometimes, when I think about it hard enough, I just get nervous thinking about how many people I have alienated, when all I've wanted is... just to be with them.

Hah! Too much introspection Let's talk about the fact that I bought some Slowdive, cex & Einsturzende Neubauten from Amoeba music today. My sister took to me to this awesome place, 826 Valencia, Dave Eggers' bizarre pirate store. I do declare, it's on of the most nonfunctional retail establishments I have ever seen! (There is actually an interesting story behind its inception & existence, but it's pretty rad to just look at it decontextualized as just a weird object.)


(generic pirate emoticons. Who can ever get tired of THOSE?)