I wonder how many people plod through my longish entries?
Yar, what an awful day. Work was awful. Did I mention it sucked? I don't know, I've pretty much given up, since I'm leaving in a few weeks and I'm getting pretty careless. I'm receiving two citations for doing badly, apparently, although one of them involved my closing the store for the first time ever (becaue of an emergency), and the other one just involved me having to walk and lots o' shit. And I had to take out the trash and someone threw away a filled cup so I got orange soda all over my little grumpy self.
I had to sign this PFE, which stands for 'this employee fucked up' form, and my manager gave me this little lecture and even added 'I know you're probably not going to work in retail again'... and I hadn't even realized it myself. I'm not cut out for this customer service shit. I want to be the hearth goddess to academia.
Did you know my original SG name was to be Vesta? I liked the juxtaposition. But it didn't look like a Me.
Do you ever read a book or an article or a magazine -- just something -- and it triggers something in you? I don't know, I've been feeling... you know, I wonder if this has anything to do with how lonely I've been lately . Really. I feel like my life is on hold to an extent. There are so many people and relationships that are essentially in stasis, cooling, little poufty mists of fog rumming across them.
I feel consumed with certain books right now the same way I was only a few years ago, and it's strange how startled I am by this experience, the same unfamiliar chill I used to feel every day. I hesitate to use the phrase 'all consuming ennui' because, goddamn it, I'm not that pretentious! But, yeah. There's this... extended isolation I haven't felt in quite a while. Jesus, I'm a cliche tonight, sitting here listening to Slowdive and getting all fucking dreamy. It's funny though, the last time I felt like this... I'm kind of loath to admit the circumstances, this fucking stupid stomachknot marathon a while ago. But that stopped and I had some really wonderful moments of clarity. And yet now, I've spent so many weeks just whiling away time, feeling completely inadequate and bored.
God, there's so much human contact I'm missing out on that I'm replacing with my own internalization and fantasy. If only I were dedicated to something, some betterment, some edifications. Fuck, I'm awfully useless, going to pot here.
Maybe I can just crawl under the covers and let the next four weeks flood over and past. (note: that is not a typo. I don't mean 'over and pass', I mean over and past, two prepositions)
Random movie things. Saw Pretty Dirty Things tonight. Excellent movie. I must re-read Epstein's interview w/ Stephen Frears (the director). Excellent look at the illegal immigrants of London. Does anyone hear read movie reviews in the LA Times by Manhola Dargis? She's fuckin' awesome. I want to write her a sexy fan letter, but I'm too intimidated. Critical theorists get me wet, yo.
(why did I use the little mad icon? I shall counter it with 
, and reference the hottness that is Johnny Depp with 
. Yum.
Yar, what an awful day. Work was awful. Did I mention it sucked? I don't know, I've pretty much given up, since I'm leaving in a few weeks and I'm getting pretty careless. I'm receiving two citations for doing badly, apparently, although one of them involved my closing the store for the first time ever (becaue of an emergency), and the other one just involved me having to walk and lots o' shit. And I had to take out the trash and someone threw away a filled cup so I got orange soda all over my little grumpy self.
I had to sign this PFE, which stands for 'this employee fucked up' form, and my manager gave me this little lecture and even added 'I know you're probably not going to work in retail again'... and I hadn't even realized it myself. I'm not cut out for this customer service shit. I want to be the hearth goddess to academia.
Did you know my original SG name was to be Vesta? I liked the juxtaposition. But it didn't look like a Me.
Do you ever read a book or an article or a magazine -- just something -- and it triggers something in you? I don't know, I've been feeling... you know, I wonder if this has anything to do with how lonely I've been lately . Really. I feel like my life is on hold to an extent. There are so many people and relationships that are essentially in stasis, cooling, little poufty mists of fog rumming across them.
I feel consumed with certain books right now the same way I was only a few years ago, and it's strange how startled I am by this experience, the same unfamiliar chill I used to feel every day. I hesitate to use the phrase 'all consuming ennui' because, goddamn it, I'm not that pretentious! But, yeah. There's this... extended isolation I haven't felt in quite a while. Jesus, I'm a cliche tonight, sitting here listening to Slowdive and getting all fucking dreamy. It's funny though, the last time I felt like this... I'm kind of loath to admit the circumstances, this fucking stupid stomachknot marathon a while ago. But that stopped and I had some really wonderful moments of clarity. And yet now, I've spent so many weeks just whiling away time, feeling completely inadequate and bored.
God, there's so much human contact I'm missing out on that I'm replacing with my own internalization and fantasy. If only I were dedicated to something, some betterment, some edifications. Fuck, I'm awfully useless, going to pot here.
Maybe I can just crawl under the covers and let the next four weeks flood over and past. (note: that is not a typo. I don't mean 'over and pass', I mean over and past, two prepositions)
Random movie things. Saw Pretty Dirty Things tonight. Excellent movie. I must re-read Epstein's interview w/ Stephen Frears (the director). Excellent look at the illegal immigrants of London. Does anyone hear read movie reviews in the LA Times by Manhola Dargis? She's fuckin' awesome. I want to write her a sexy fan letter, but I'm too intimidated. Critical theorists get me wet, yo.
(why did I use the little mad icon? I shall counter it with , and reference the hottness that is Johnny Depp with . Yum.VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
Not that I am full of wisdom or logic anyway.