scylla

I felt like just adding a few more paragraphs to this entry instead of writing a new one, because I don't have many comments. Bwaha! Also, I think it'll knock the datetimestamp over. Though most likely not.

I was writing my set intro and I was thinking about why I like suicidegirls. I wrote about it on the SuicideGirls group, but I've been thinking about it and my ideas are evolving.

Most prominently and obviously, I feel that modelling on SuicideGirls is a way for me to reclaim part of myself -- the juxtaposition between sexuality and intellect. For years -- I remember being diagnosed with a high iq that got me kicked out of first grade and carted off to another school, a specialized school institution until the beginning of 9th grade -- I've known that I was intelligent. That sounds boastful but was hard for me to make intellectual connections outside of the internet. When I was 10, 12, 14, I would always add another ten years to my age, to escape to stigma of being so young and attempting to talk eloquently about literature, music.

And that was online. Of course I got caught up in drama (I need to stay away from fandoms, from fanfics from now on), but it was the only haven for me. In school I would be reviled as bizarre, strange, angry and ugly, hiding in oversized band shirts and scraggly hair, wearing winter coats in April. Fuck these people, they don't realize that I have a perfectly legtimate life outside of high school. Getting into listening to the Cure, to Depeche Mode, I didn't have to care if the blonde girls with credit cards knew who I was.

You know what? I just wrote several long paragraphs here about my first two boyfriends. The first one, who actually made me feel attractive for the first time, and another person. Sometimes, I feel that he was too goddamn wonderful and if I think about it too much, I'll ruin the tenuous idolization I have for our past relationship. So... I'm going to just delete these paragraphs. Insert story about losing my virginity here, insert story about my perfect relationship here. Two boys gone with one blow, and probably the only ones I'll think about very deeply tonight.

Okay. Lots of tears and obsessive nights and I leave him for college. College... an entirely new adventure. And suddenly I'm very tired and I can't really talk too much about this any more. But I need to stress the points that on the most basic level, SuicideGirls has been about expressing myself sexually and intellectually in a forum where I feel that I am treated well, and via the magic of Missy's wonderful lens, rendered in a beautiful way. I also want to say that the incredible support and love from the SG community, both members and girls, has shocked me, even in the one week I've been pink.

Ok. Rant over. Go read modernhumorist.com and think about how badly I want to bang Grant Morrison. I'm gonna go listen to Dead Can Dance and lie in my bed awake.

You KNOW that this is funny. If you don't think so, you are a filthy filthy person.

http://www.modernhumorist.com/mh/0304/pheron/

AMONG THE TREASURES LOOTED from the Iraqi National Museum was a copy of "The Dialogues of Pheron," an ancient Greek manuscript preserved by Arab scholars during the Middle Ages. Pheron, who lived several centuries prior to the birth of Jesus H. Christ, the main character of the Christian bible, founded a school of philosophy called mediocre. In these excerpts, Pheron grapples with weighty philosophical issues that merit discussion to this day, even though they make our heads hurt.

Eledian

Child: Dear Pheron, I am sorry to interrupt what appears to be yourself doing laundry.

Pheron: It is not for you to worry. I do laundry for to appear presentable to others. It would not make sense to turn away company for the reason of doing something meant to impress company.

Child: Yes. You have often thankfully taught me to care what others think. However, I am troubled on another matter.

Pheron: Please. I wish very much for you to tell me of your troubles. I am, after all, not being sarcastic.

Child: Someone appears to have entered the home of myself and my mother and stolen much of our grain.

Pheron: That is truly the opposite of pleasant. But, I daresay that Eledian stole this grain you speak of.

Child: What a singular solution! How could you be so confident as to your knowing of this?

Pheron: Eledian is of the color of the most black of olives.

Child: I feel that there must be more to this solution.

Pheron: Many citizens think that those colored of the black olives steal, therefore, would it not make sense that Eledian, who is one of the black olive colored, stole your mothers grain?

Child: But, you seem to have not considered those of light complexion who have shown themselves explicitly to hate my mother because of how she often steals food from them. Theyve also sworn to steal food back from her.

Pheron: Yes, but does not that Eledian have a weird way about him? All shifty eyed?

Child: Yes, that is true. But...

Pheron: Therefore, you can just tell he took the grain by the way he looks.

Child: Yes. Good point. Thank you, Pheron, for showing me this truth. But, however shall I obtain my mothers grain from this Eledian?

Pheron: You should nicely ask him to return it.

Child: I would be startled if that were to work.

Pheron: Yes, I am merely breaking your balls. You should harm him.

I forgot to mention a) today sucked at work (no one did the shipment so I had to) and b) the more I read of Grant Morrison's the MORE and HARDER I want to do him. (Did I mention that I think Grant Morrison it hot?)