UPDATED EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK
DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing 350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a 600 Gucci Bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need pay rise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay rise.
If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay rise.
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to
work.
PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
called Saturday &Sunday.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can
do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.
Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
TOILET USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is
now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat
more, so that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to
provide a Positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions,
comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and
input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week!
THE MANAGEMENT
DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing 350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a 600 Gucci Bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need pay rise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay rise.
If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay rise.
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to
work.
PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
called Saturday &Sunday.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can
do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.
Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
TOILET USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is
now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat
more, so that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to
provide a Positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions,
comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and
input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week!
THE MANAGEMENT
Big Hug from me to you
it says I CAN'T live without sex... not that I can!
actually I have been living without sex for about 2 months... check my journal to find out why.