scionreality

I had some of the greatest times of my life as a teenager.

I've been happier at times since then. One time, almost deliriously so. But for three or four years running, I pretty much had a constant blast.

Then, by degrees larger or smaller, those things which I thought were so great began to go away. Don't worry, I'm not going to get onto some sad track. Bear with me (I nearly typed 'Bare with me.' You could do that too). Friends began to grow distant, or change too much, or move away altogether. Some of the talents I was proud of did too. They faded or I outgrew them. Some of these things I miss, and some I know I'm better off without. But I miss the times. You know what I'm talking about. Everyone has at least an idea.

Anyway, I reached a point where I was sure I was losing too much. That maybe I'd lose everything? And I clung to some things so hard, that if they drew away I might have panicked.

Now something new is happening. I'm letting things go. I'm becoming far more open to the idea of becoming one of them, in fact, and maybe just going.

I'm not the type of person to drift from place to place, niche to niche. Historically I've had a lack of confidence that leads me to be sure, somehow, despite any objective reason, that if I cut these roots I can't thrive. Not like a normal person. I can't stop the carefully maintained fairly normal life I have here, go there, and construct another one. Even typing it now, it doesn't make much sense to me. And it's been a pillar for as long as I can remember.

But even though in many ways my confidence is Swiss-cheesy (high-five me for that usage), it has somehow also managed to solidify, to strengthen. I didn't know until I once more thought of these things: loved ones leaving; me leaving.

Hey, look at that, positive growth.

I'm going to bake myself a cake.

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PS- In the last picture, on one of those many valentines is written, "Dicks."
Lawl.