scattershot

So screw it I don't think Im getting cancelled after all. I think I cleared my shit up and all is koscher now,

Those of you who got special e-mails and such from me well they were no lie. and once again I am not some weird creepy internet stalker.

So lets see whats on the running board for ole Scattershot;

my fam is getting better. My pops is getting excited about things agian and his voice has pretty much fully returned to him. However this whole basement thing has still set my mom off and pushing her the wrong way can lead to her exploding on me and letting out all her hard feelings that she has towards me. I know she still loves me ... even when she tells me some pretty hard things to take, I mean Im not perfect after all. I just wish she didn't mean em, but I know she does and I'll have to deal with it cuz I still love her too.

Good news department. I had an interview today with World Wrestling Entertainment Canada. Thats right. They are running this contest/job thingy and I applied for it. More details if I get it. If I do get it I could be buying a digital camera... which means better pictures of yours truly and other cool things instead of shitty webcam pictures. Now you'll see how truly not good looking I am. lol.

The band is playing two shows this weekend on saturday and sunday. Tonight we have a practise...so we are probably gonna be sick of eachother by the time the weekend is over. haha naw I love those guys. All that it means is that there is going to be a lot of red bulls and beer for me and lots of sweat.

sweat is good because I really want to be cut but it just doesn't seem like I'll ever be. It seems like I'll always be just a little bit fat. I hate that almost everything in my life has always been on the cusp of being something great but never acctually being there. Im a pretty talented painter but not that great. I was good at singing but I could never make the final step to being a proper singer. I've been told I have some real writing chops but they are unrefined. Im decent enough at drawing to get by and with a lot of work I could be professional at it. I guess really I just have a lot of work to do on a lot of different things don't I.

In the girls department that girl is still not talking to me and I don't know what to do, I wanna call her up and yell at her but thats kind of what she did to me and I don't really want to play up like she did ya know. I want to be the bigger person here because lately I've been seeing a different side of her and Im not sure how much I like it. What was once someone that I thought was different and interesting and into the same things I am and on the same page as me is really just a ditzy cady selfish vain girl disguised as an intelligent interesting semi gothic beauty. le sigh. I've still yet to meet a girl thats anything like me, as much as I always think I do.

I wanna go to a party and be surounded by beautiful interesting girls... maybe Im asking too much being quiet, only semi-good looking, a little round and not very tall. but fuck I don't want to settle for someone Im not interested in. Thats what I did in high school and it didn't ever work out.

I guess everyone justs wants someone better than they are, and I am better than no one.

till next
Same Scatt Time, Same Scatt Channel.

Music: The Beautiful Mistake - For a Friend
Mood: Sometimes I just don't know what mood Im in.

Oh yeah I just finished watching my Carnivale Season 1 DVD. What a fucking awesome show. I wish I had HBO to watch season 2

**SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT*** go look at my wishlist.