saoirsemckenna

Had a little panic attack at the gym today. Haven't really had this social anxiety in a while but today I forgot my music and I had a panic attack.

The only way I can work out and not freak out is if I have my music or podcast going so that I can block out my thoughts. I am always very worried about what other people think of me at the gym for some reason. It probably stems from living in a completely shallow place for most of my life with competitive anorexia as our high school sport. You can really hear the people talk about you and judge you there, I'm glad that I moved, but apparently some of that shit still stuck with me. There are many people at this gym that are not skinny and I shouldn't even worry either way, I mean I'm at the gym, I'm obviously working out why do I need to bother with people's bullshit? I don't know. A lot of things from when I was younger seem to have effected me more than I would have thought now that I'm older. It's strange. But now that I realize how bad that is, I will have to work on that.